Wednesday
Mar122008
sweet nudges
On Monday, I received a very heavy package wrapped in the nicest packing paper I've ever seen. I opened it up to discover three delicious art books by Ali Edwards. I actually got an 8lb package of Ali! How great is that? I know most people probably see her books as art with text, but I see beautifully illustrated stories about life and creativity.
Today, I got a poster and a book from Jen Lemen. The book is called "Beginnings" and I think it should be mandatory reading for any one who has ever been afraid to do something new. OK - that would be everyone.
Why the nudge? I've been putting off starting my new book for the past couple of months. I've been afraid to start because it's so important to me and I'm so excited that starting the work might actually ruin it. I don't want to suffocate my excitement with the tediousness of putting pen to paper (or fingertips to keyboard). I'm even a little bit in the crazy place where I'm so excited that I'm sure I'm going to die before I can get it done. Foreboding happiness - I hate that feeling.
I'm also struggling with the nature of this new book. It's personal, not academic. It's a collection of 15 very personal stories. It's kinda the "what happens when a perfectionistic shame researcher reads her own book, totally falls apart, experiences a grace-filled, but no-so-graceful, spiritual awakening" book. The stories are honest and real - I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried - but they're not always very flattering. Falling apart is not my best look.
I'm a lot more comfortable talking research and buttressing my experiences with lots of references. Chronicling my knock-down-drag-out with vulnerability and uncertainty is a little scary. Especially since vulnerability and uncertainty won. OK - they kicked my ass. But, I'm happy to report that gratitude and joy eventually arrived to pick me up and dust me off.
The first nudge came when I read Ali's book, Life Artist. Maybe, I'm a life artist. I'd like to be and she says I can be. I want this book to incorporate life art and one reason I haven't started it is because I'm not allowed to do that. I swore off playfulness when I took the academic pledge. But you know what? Too bad.
I'm a life artist. Right here. Right now. Today.
Then, the nudge that broke the writers block came today. Beginnings by Jen Lemen.There's a quote that I have to share with you. It made me cry: "I have spent so much time worrying about my dreams, but the truth is almost everything I could ever need for a new beginning is already blossoming in my wide open heart."
I write about a concept I call knowing laughter. It's the kind of deep laughter we experience when we realize that we're all in this together and, while we're all different, we're so much the same. Jen's art has that effect on me. I feel connected. Maybe that's what art is supposed to do.
So a big "thank you" to Ali and Jen for their inspiration and wisdom.
It’s time to start the imperfect journey.
So a big "thank you" to Ali and Jen for their inspiration and wisdom.
It’s time to start the imperfect journey.
If you're on one of your own, I'd love to hear about it! Who knows? Maybe we'll cross paths.
03.12.2008
Reader Comments (10)
I'm on such an imperfect journey...it's not even humorous. Some days I feel I have a clear path, good, clear weather to navigate in, and a working compass. Sadly, though, most days I feel lost in a bad fog (or sometimes a terrible storm), feeling my way slowly but surely without an umbrella or a clue.
Can you tell it's been ONE OF THOSE DAYS?! : )
New to your space and I feel I ahve stumbled upon a source of truth, knowing, wisdom and companionship.
I am clapping my hands, nodding my head, opening my heart. . . in agreement, solidarity, delight.
Staring my own new beginnings right now.
Feeling deeply my own vulnerability.
It's a wild and crazy and luscious life, is it not?
A few thoughts struck me as I read your post.
If I was writing a book about my learnings, my failures and my hope, my colleague's would be the last people I'd want to read the book. It would be so intimidating and scary and vulnerable. And would they judge me? Or would they feel connected? Connection is good. Judgment would be hard for me to take. And all those personal stories? Do I really want to share them with all the people I know? Ahhhh!!! I think I'd hesitate beginning too.
But I"m guessing that the people you'd be writing for would be us. Those of us who are on the same journey as you. The journey toward wholeness and love. And for us, we read your books to learn to connect with ourselves and the people we meet everyday, We read your book to learn from you. Your stories are the kind we long for. We're looking for the kind of stories that inspire us to have ordinary courage in our own life.
This morning I'm meeting with a group of friends. This is a group of women who I need to be more empathetic with (judgement has played too big a role). This is also the group of women who encouraged me to follow my dreams (more than anyone else), when I laid it all on the table and shared my dreams with them. Coming to your blog this morning and reading your post and thinking about what you've inspired in me (connection through empathy, letting go of the shame), makes me think about the person I am and want to share with my friends. Your stories inspire me to be a better person, Brene.
One last note. Have you read any of Rachel Naomi Remen's books? Your blog (haven't read your book yet) reminds me of her books. And I LOVE her books.
My own perfectionist, control-freak tendencies are literally driving me crazy...or at the very least, harming my health.
I'll be following your journey. I think it may be one I also should take. To tell you the truth, I think I may have already started on the path thanks a few bloggers (whom I'm sure I don't have to name) -- you are the latest to inspire me. Truly.
Oh and I love the title of this post.