catching up after weighing in

The screen porch at Katherine Center's ranch. Taken with my Rebel xti.

Whew. I have to say that the Oprah post wore me out. I've become very accustomed to buttressing all of my thoughts with academic references and research data. This post made me feel exposed in a whole new way. I definitely suffered from what I call “the vulnerability hangover.” It’s a term that I coined in I Thought It Was Just Me. I needed a concept that captured that feeling of, “Oh my God! Why did I share that? What was I thinking?”

The interesting part of the process for me came after I wrote the piece and before I posted it. I read it and realized that the vulnerability would be bad, but not as bad as letting the fear of what other people think stop me from telling my story and sharing my ideas. I really hate that place.

I really hate that place because it feels like I’m living in it right now. The new book is one vulnerable story, humbling experience, or emotional ass-kicking after the next. I guess the Oprah post is just practice. Thankfully, humility and ass-kicking can be really funny.

In the end, telling our stories always takes a little bit of love, support, and compassionate friends. I’m grateful to these folks and for the wisdom and inspiration of your comments. I’m overwhelmed by your honesty and courage.

I did a radio interview about the post today. You can listen to it here and check out Elizabeth Irvine’s site here.

I’ll be back tomorrow with a fun response to Tracey’s 16 Things About Me tag (this is the best procrastination project). In the meantime, thank you for sharing your stories with me. It’s an honor.

Comments

[Kathy]

Brene, I'm glad that you are brave. I really appreciate your sharing and your insights.

[Wanda]

Yes. I'm sorry to say, I haven't read your book yet, but your "vulnerability hangover" is the perfect phrase. I know it only too well.

[Jenn Hains]

Vulnerabiltiy hangover. Amen to that. Ha! Been there. Thanks for being real, as always. jh.

[Katherine]

I didn't post a comment on your previous post, but your courage to speak about your own struggles is admirable & encouraging for other people who have walked down their own paths to recovery from....whatever. I enjoy your blog, esp from a gal around my town. Keep up the great work. Even if people don't usually speak up (like me), know that they do hear you!

[Square-Peg Karen]

Brene, I didn't post to your last post either..just came over here now though to get the link to that post..for another friend I was talking about it with...

it's one of those posts that feel SO important, so good, so deep...I cannot tell you how your vulnerability is appreicated! Thank you so much!

[AVZC]

It was a great post- makes me look forward to the book. Did you take that photo? I really like it.

[katherine center]

Look at that screen porch! I don't think it has ever looked so dreamy. Many hugs to you, brave friend.

[eloise]

"... realized that the vulnerability would be bad, but not as bad as letting the fear of what other people think stop me from telling my story and sharing my ideas. I really hate that place."

this is the place of truth for me that you inspire me to grow beyond... it is humbling to look into the place of hurt and realize all along it was a feeling of fear of others opinions.... and what a liar to myself I have been for so long, convinced that it didn't matter one bit!!

the ability to see the lies I tell myself - and face the fears... oh my - it takes a while to become real... reminds me of the Velveteen Rabbit !!
it is a vulnerable place - and one that I honor in you and am cultivating in myself ! Thks

[kris]

I had to go back and re-read the Oprah piece. It reminds me so much of what a friend and I were discussing with young people. I have seen so many that are in constant motion, they can't be still (or quiet) for a single minute. They recieve no feedback from their environments because they aren't quiet enough to listen... so they forge on doing the same types of mistaken behavior. ... your posts resonate with me. I had to learn to be quiet... be still... to listen to my inner self and my environment. I also have young children and really try to help them be reflective and to understand their impact on their environment and vice versa... but you have to be still enough to 'catch' the feedback. It is hard to see so many young people without this understanding AND without many models helping them to move toward this understanding. Its like they are running as fast as they can, and they don't know how to stop.

[betty]

MY 16 THINGS ABOUT ME:

1. I HATE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO SEND THESE..........
2. I AM A CLOSET EATER.............REALLY I STEAL FOOD AND EAT IT IN THE CLOSET
3. MY DAUGHTERS ARE CONSTANTLY TEACHING ME HOW TO CHANGE..
4. IT IS NOT EASY BEING ME, TO CHANGE IS EVEN HARDER
5. I AM A HAPPY SOUL...........BUT LOOKING FOR HAPPIER
6. I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW WHAT I DO NOW AND HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO RE-RAISE MY THREE CHILDREN---------
7. I AM SO VERY THANKFUL FOR BRENE AND STEVE
8. MY GRANDCHILDREN LITERALLY TAKE MY BREATH AWAY WITH THEIR ACCEPTANCE............
9. I WISH I COULD BOTTLE THE FRAGRANCE OF HORSE BARNS
10. EVELYN IS FIVE, I AM SIXTY-SEVEN, WE ARE SOUL MATES..............
11. OWEN IS THREE, I AM SIXTY-SEVEN, HE IS MY SUNSHINE, MY ONLY SUNSHINE

12 LEAH, LAURA, HOLMES............REASON
13. I LOVE THE WAY BRENE THINKS----------ALTHOUGH I THINK SHE, LIKE HER FRIEND L.W. ARE WAY TOO HARD ON THEMSELVES (TERRIBLY WRONG SENTENCE STRUCTURE)
14. I HAVE BEEN GUILTY OF MAKING SMORES IN THE MICROWAVE (IT TAKES FOREVER)
15. OK, I AM GETTING TIRED OF MYSELF
16. I WAS RAISED IN AN ERA WHEN "SHAME" WAS MANDATORY, THANKS TO BRAVE WOMEN (BRENE, LEAH, LAURA, YOU, AND YOU AND YOU) NO LONGER IS THAT EXPECTED OR ACCEPTED............