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Up with UP. Down with fake fender-benders.
Last year I got wind that Malcom Gladwell and Sir Ken Robinson had been in town at a very cool TED-like event. It got my attention because I love their work and I’m a little bit addicted to the on-line TED talks.
Well, fast-forward one year and I know more about that “cool event” than I ever thought I’d know.
It’s called The UP Experience and . . . I’m one of the speakers this year!
It’s described as, “16 of the world's most exciting speakers. One mind-opening day!" When you visit the Up Experience site, let your cursor sit on top of the speakers’ photos and you can read about their work.
I’m so excited/terrified! I can’t imagine sharing the stage with the the man who raised the Titanic, the astrophysicist who is the head of NOVA and the Hayden Planetarium in New York, and the genius who ran Obama's presidential campaign (and that's just the first row).
Talking about a Mondo Beyondo! My dream of starting a national conversation about shame seems to be coming true!
Of course, I’m working really hard to manage my fear and anxiety. Did I mention that every speaker has 20 minutes?
Seconds after I received the invitation I called my lovebomb soul-sister Jen Lemen. I read the list of speakers to her, took a deep breath, and said, “I’m not so sure about this?”
Even though we were on the phone and she was thousands of miles away, I could see her shaking her head. “Put your measuring stick away, Brené.”
I bristled. “What do you mean?”
Jen said, “I’m know you. You're already thinking about how to make this super “researchy” and complicated.
I still didn’t get it. “Well, yes. Of course I’m going to be researchy. Do you see this list of people. They’re . . . they’re . . . grown-ups.”
Jen chuckled. “Do you need an age-check?”
Silence on my end.
Jen explained, “Here’s the thing. You are a researcher, but your best work isn't from the head, it's talking from the heart. You’ll be fine if you do what you do best, not what other people do best. Keep it real, keep it honest."
The event is next week – October 15th – and I can tell that I’m in some fear.
How can I tell that fear is an issue?
1. I’m wondering if I need to be in a fender-bender. Nothing too dangerous or expensive, but enough to cancel. I keep thinking about that scene in Sideways when they wrecked the Saab.
2. I’m wondering whose idea it was to say “Sure! I’d love to!” That way I can blame them. Blame-anger-fear-blame-anger-fear. It’s so seductive. And so destructive.
3. I’m wondering if I feel the flu coming on. Every second. Yesterday Ellen said, “Why do you keep asking me if I’m OK. I feel great. I swear.”
One of the things that I’ve learned over the years is to listen to the fear. If you ignore fear, it just gets louder and more insistent, like a frustrated, neglected toddler pulling on your leg.
When I listen closely to what fear says, I can normalize my feeling rather than react and do something inauthentic. Yes, I’m nervous, but that’s normal. In fact, I think feeling anxious and nervous is an essential part of the public speaking process. You just have to find that little sweet spot in between too anxious and not anxious enough!
I feel very honored to be in such extraordinary company and that I get to talk about my work in front of people who have given up an entire day (and $1000) to explore new ideas!
I’m also grateful to this community and our ability to support each other on this authenticity journey!
UP is offering a $100 discount to OC Blog readers. The code is brene100 and the registration is here.
Wish me luck!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Reader Comments (54)
Your friend is right. You are a great researcher but your gift and what all of us relate to is your humanness and your heart. If all you had to talk about was stats and cold research, sorry but none of us would be here. You might be speaking to a bunch of researchers but I doubt you'd write the books, the blog and PNN if you didn't care about US, who are human , just like you. That's why you are researching and writing about shame, authenticity and perfectionism right?
We love you! and YOU GO GIRL!!!!
I would wish you good luck, but you don't need luck, you have skill and most importantly you have heart. Knock 'em dead! (figuratively speaking of course...)
And what Jen said about leading with your heart? Do that. You do it well :)
My daughter is a Ph. D. geneticist currently working on a cure for hemophilia, and someday she may be a speaker there!
How exciting!!! Absorb and enjoy!!!
If you touch those people half as much as you've touched the lives of those who read your blog (or are part of the PNN conversation), they will be better off. Of course, I also agree with your friend, Jen, your authenticity is your strength, use it. As for the anxiety, reading your list was like a memory coming to knock me between the eyes. I actually let my fear get me so far down that I DID get flu...on the day of my first-ever book signing event. Urgh! Thanks for this post...it helps.
Have a fabulous time next week!!
You'll be wonderful just as you are.
I'm sending you love and light (and luck)!
You don't need luck.
You just need a deep reminder of how fabulous you are.
Praying for that!
Woooot!
I am so jealous I'm not closer, or knew about it sooner, I'd be there in a heartbeat. Just checked out the whole site. So my kind of thing.
Best of luck.
Those attendees are LUCKY TO HAVE YOU THERE :)
My best wishes are with you Brene.
I worked for Dave Plouffe long ago and his sister was my roommate in college (one of my small claims to fame!) -- you'll be fine -- remember, they're all people -- just like the rest of us.
Have fun with it!
Thank you for your authentic voice. It is so empowering!
He raised a sunken vessel; YOUR work and voice continues to raise sunken spirits. Another looks as far into space as he can; YOU look deeply WITHIN and then share the experiences so that others may benefit. The next ran a successful presidential campaign? YOU seem to be heading up one VERY successful campaign yourself!
I agree with the others who said "Speak from your heart." You'll be awesome, no doubt!
YEAH FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PS I can't wait for the new book!!!
Maybe this will help take some of the fear away -- as you're getting ready to speak, just think about all of the people for whom you are the voice of understanding. Think about all of the people who, because of your research -- but more importantly, because of the way that you are so humanely and compassionately able to present your message -- finally feel like they are not alone; who finally feel like someone understands. Think about that sense of connectedness that you create when your authenticity takes center stage. You don't need to try to impress anyone -- because believe me, there is nothing more impressive than someone who can create a "light bulb moment" -- that deep understanding -- in a way that leaves people feeling whole. That is your gift -- and I guarantee you, your 20 minutes will be the hit of the entire conference, because your 20 minutes will be something that will resonate with every single person in the room.
You're going to be great! Congratulations on having the courage to play big and make your dreams come true! You are such an inspiration!
You are a LightKeeper - you are perfect - you are enough.
xoxo
You've got one great friend who knows you and exactly what you needed to hear. I also benefitted from those words. I am best in my workshops when I speak from the heart and relax into the work. You'll be wonderful--and guess what, I'll be wonderful on Saturday during my workshop too... Thanks for the great post. I'll print it out and reread it again.
Let us know how it goes!
I pre-ordered your new book on Amazon! Here's the link:
http://www.amazon.com/Gifts-Imperfection-Think-Supposed-Embrace/dp/159285849X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1255091417&sr=8-1
Love reading the beautiful comments from other readers. Lynne is right on about the power of a "light bulb" moment. Justin - you are always so eloquent and wise!
Much love!
I was able to attend your MidLife Journey lecture and loved every minute. You spoke from the heart and I was impacted, as were the people around me. I could see it on their faces and in their body language. I would bet that most people took something home with them to think about and work on. I did and have started making small changes. My point is that people can walk away from stats and research and disconnect. If you make it authentic and personal it gets stickier, a good thing. I encourage you to be brave, to be authentic. What you have to say is incredible. I'm excited for your audience that day!
Go! Go! Go!
PS. Can't wait for the new book.
love from England!
xoxoxo
Are the talks available for others to hear if they aren't at the conference, like TED talks are? I would love to hear one of your live conference talks. Sandi Keene said it so right above. . .after your podcasts I would have loved to just sit at your table and talk with you. You have amazing ability to reach people and connect with them which is so awesome. You taught us the meaning behind courage of telling your story from the heart. Go tell your story and start the shame conversation. I really am just beside myself with excitement, and can't wait to hear how it all goes.
Pattie - Thanks for including the link to pre-order the book! I've been dying to know a release date. I'll feel better if I just go ahead and order now.
And, yes, from the heart. Please ask about sharing these talks online, and be sure they have the audience lit for you (so you can see who you are talking to!). You have such a powerful message to share---take good care of yourself so you can be the prism to share that light. Cheers!
We all know you won't need luck but we wish it for you anyway - and are totally confident that when your turn comes, you'll blow their sox off!! So once the angst passes, relax and savor every minute of this outstanding opportunity to spread your work around.
do us proud!
Break a leg. You've got an incredibly powerful message to share and that can be scary. You are carrying a torch and in that light it's sometimes difficult to see all the smiling, loving faces that are standing there in the darkness ready to support you and to take heed to the call.
Was that too cheesy?!? I meant it, though.