that one little word
Leave it to Ali to send me careening into a contemplative tailspin. Her one little word invitation is causing me all kinds of trouble.
It started on January 1st when I just couldn’t get into the “New Year” groove. It didn’t feel like the beginning of anything, it felt (and still feels) like I’m in the middle of something. I kept thinking, “It’s a new year . . . snap to it.” I just couldn’t.
Then I realized that for the past 40 years, I’ve kept time on an academic calendar. Seriously, I’m 44 and I started kindergarten when I was 4. I’ve never been out of school. My year starts in August and ends in May. I’m smack-dab in the middle of the 2009 - 2010 school year.
Things got more confusing when I sat down, opened my journal, and tried to come up with my one word for 2010. I decided to be really honest and write down the words that just bubbled up from my soul. Here they are, in the order that they floated to the top:
quiet
close
brevity
nesting
Even though I analyze words, themes, and patterns for a living, I couldn’t make sense of it. Sure, the easy thing to do is to take the opposites and see what happens:
loud
far
long
away
One could jump to the quick conclusion that I’m tired of traveling, but that didn’t feel quite right, so I ran the words by three people who know me very, very well.
My friend Charles said, “I think you need to rest and take a real break.”
My friend Dawn said, “I think you’re tired of the bullshit. Less bullshit. More things you like.”
Steve said, “You’re tired, baby.”
While “Rest” and “No Bullshit” are perfectly acceptable motivational words for the year, they’re still off a bit.
The issue that complicates everything is that I’m really, really, happy and I feel very grateful. I’m almost afraid to say it, but I don’t really want anything that I don’t have.
Being with Steve and the kids makes me happier than anything I can imagine and that’s shifted my ambition. Rather than making sure that the career carrot is dangling a few feet in front of me, I’m sitting on the couch eating it with a side of ranch dressing.
I recently had a speaking agent tell me, “You could make so much money on the road. When you say that you don’t want to be away very often, you’re putting limits on your own career.” That same week one of my colleagues said, “If you push yourself, maybe you can get this next book on the NYT Bestseller’s list.”
It’s not that I don’t care about my work – I do. I’m passionate about my work. I believe in the things I talk about. So much so that I want to make a life out of living them, not just a career out of talking and writing about them.
I know what it takes to achieve certain things and I’m pretty confident in my ability to set goals and meet them. I’ve spent many years conquering goals. Today, I see external marks of success as choices, not challenges. Maybe the question isn’t, “Can I do it?” Maybe the question is, “Do I really want it?”
Here’s what I really want:
- I want to do meaningful work – work that challenges me and makes a difference.
- I want to share what I’m learning about the Wholehearted Journey, but I don’t want to spend all of my time being a mapmaker and give up my life as a traveler.
- I want to be a fully present partner, mother, sister, daughter, and friend – this is where I experience the most joy.
- I want to make more time to cook, take pictures, explore my relationship with God, piddle in my house, exercise, decorate, make crafty things, read good books, and go to the movies.
When I look at the list of what I really want, the word verb inspire comes up for me.
I want to say yes to the opportunities that inspire me and offer me the opportuity to inspire others.
I want to make sure that I’m sharing my work in a way that is inspiring, not advice-giving or should-y, but more, “here’s what I’m learning from my research and it might be a new way to think about the issues that all of us are grappling with.”
I want to build a life that accurately reflects that my greatest sources of inspiration are my spirituality, my family, my close friends, and the sacred processes of creating and playing.
I know many of you have picked your words for 2010. If you feel like sharing again, please do. I'd also love to know about the smaller (and equally thought-provoking) words that pointed you in that direction!
Your comments inspire me!
01.7.2010 | by Brené Brown | in authenticity, wholehearted Share Article Email Article Print Article 79 Comments
Reader Comments (79)
But most importantly: YOU inspire me.
Thank you.
xoxoxo
My word for the year, which hasn't yet received blog presentation, is shine. You have to be brave and strong to really shine. In my yoga practice I find that I associate "shine" with heart openers- again, something that requires bravery and strength. Those are qualities I aspire to have all the time.
My word is "rooted". I want to be rooted in my true self, my longings, my abilities, my life purpose. I want to grow from that deep small place to become fruitful. It is about authenticity.
I am still focusing on healing, being my authentic self, loving and nurturing myself and teaching others to do the same. I think my word is Serenity.
And something that may help you from my twelve Step program: Attraction rather than Promotion. I think that is what you do for us. : )
Honestly, I picked three words (Focus, Transition, Joy), but wonder if they are my real words or simply those that are meant to get me to my next step. Personally and (semi) professionally, I am very much in the midst of grappling with the first two words...and dedicated to growing the third (inspite or because of the first two). What I do love is that, by seeking the Joy, I am able to create calm for myself and my family even while the craziness seems to swirl around us.
For now it's one day, one step, one deep breath at a time...
Love your word. Inspire is such a good word!!
xo
jenn
P.S. I thought about just vital but it sounded to medical-ly and it kind of creeped me out. Vitality seems effervescent...ha ha ...I'm sure this sounds nuts to the comment reading world...oh well I am being a vital part of this process...good luck with your new year
The word that I chose for 2010 is SOAR.
SOAR embodies so many aspects of my life: building off the momentum created in 2009;
secure and confident, embracing myself, my talents, my authenticity, the present, the journey, the ebbs and flow. Continuing forward motion in a spirit of love and light, open to opportunity, celebrating each victory large or small, female connection, creativity, inspiring others.
Everyone's words are terrific!
I read it, re-read it, and then put my work away (the kids won't even notice if I spend the extra hour planning for tomorrow, right?, so why am I so worried about it?)
I cried. And then I thought.
I have never thought to come up with one (simple) word to guide my year. But I love words. A lot. Thus, my word... COURAGE. This word is motivated and inspired by your work, Brene. "Courage" says everything I need and need to be.
And now I am going to sit down with a cup of tea and write... for myself... not for my students.
Thank you. And blessings for your 2010 journey.
I cheated with my one word of the year and instead chose two: "deeper, higher". I've set this year up to be quite a challenge. I'm plumbing the depths, diving deep into myself but I also really feel like I'm climbing a mountain and emerging into a higher place. For me the two processes are intrinsically connected. Can almost feel my body growing stronger with the honest, difficult but joyful work involved.
Thank you for this post, it was a pleasure to read. Your experiences are most definitely inspiring.
xxoo
Laura
Navigate. I want to chart my own course this year. If (when?) tossed hither & yon, as life is wont to do now & then, i want to be able to read the stars and know where I stand.
LIGHT
it's funny, but I read it on my Yogi tea bag label yesterday:
Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light.
It fits. and I feel lighter already. Thank you and Happy New Year!
Last year's word was GRATITUDE, and I really feel it transformed a part of me. This year, I was looking for more of the peace I felt with my gratitude, but I wanted to feel more INNER peace. Just saying the word "serenity" makes me feel calm.
As far as INSPIRE, please know that you do just that with every post. I love where your words take me. Thank you for that, and know that you inspire thousands of us!!! Peggy
My word this year is "fearless". I heard your friend, Jen Lee talking about ending her year of "fearless" and I knew immediately that fearless was the next step in my journey. I am hoping that soon I will be ready for a soft, nurturing word rather than bold, bossy, pushy words.
Can't wait to see where your word takes you.
I am easing in to this new year / decade. I think I have found my word, but I am going to listen a little longer...
Also, read your tweet and followed the link to the pic of the note. That was so precious! Thanks for sharing!
It seems like "inspire" is the perfect word for you, like it is something that you believe in so strongly that you can't help but do it.
My word this year is "Adventurous" -- it's finally time for me to get up off of the bench and get into the game. I'm so excited!
My word for the year...Grace. We played Transformation on New Year's Eve and Grace was my guardian angel for the game. I played the game with the intention that that is how my word would pick me. So, may I live this year in grace.
...the moment
...my spirit
...my family
...my friends
...the unknown
...possibility
...struggles
...new adventures
...the past
...the ups and downs
...inspiration from people like YOU!
All the words are so great, but my eyes popped out over Amalia's SHINE! INSPIRE is the perfect word for you, because that is what you do. And I'm thankful for it!
My year has started off gently (as I like to put it), more so in fact than I had hoped for...but turns out gentle is working out quite well :)
-I don't have to try to run the world alone
-there really are people who love and cherish me
-I am going to be safe
-however things turn out I will survive (maybe even thrive)
-I will be prosperous enough
Thank you for this exercise. I'm going to print out some labels right now with TRUST on them.
I don't think I have considered that question in my entire life. And looking back, I can see that all of the things that worked out "not so hot" are because I was trying to make other people happy.
My goal is focus on that "what is best for me" when I a make every decision this year. Already, I can see it is a very freeing way to look at the world.
**Note that I don't have children and I am single, so I think that will make it easier for me to do this, than if I had children depending on me.
Thank you Brene for such a wonderful post.
I enjoyed my word last year, it was JOURNEY. That word stayed close to my heart and my thoughts throughout the year. I had 'inside' journeys that were just for myself and I had 'outside' journeys that I shared with those close to me. I had creative journeys, sad journey's, career journeys and extremely happy, warm fuzzy journeys. I even got to enjoy a couple of actual travel journeys. Journey was a good year!
I chose DISCOVER as the word to guide me through the days of 2010. I am looking forward to what my 'discover' journey might bring. I have some expectations. I want to make time to discover where I am at in my life. I purposely did not say take time but to make time. That is different than "who am I and what is my purpose". I want to open that little space inside that I have not seen yet, I want to know the new things I have not discovered about myself and I am convinced there is a lot to see even after 49 years!
This year I decided to also choose a color to go with my word. I am a color-loving person so to narrow it down to one was more difficult than choosing a single word! After much thought I picked a deep golden yellow. The exact color is called "Naples Yellow Deep Extra". I found it while pondering my way through the rows of paint tubes at my favorite art store. When I saw this one tube it screamed at me..."DISCOVER" and the color was mine.
I plan to take my naples yellow discovery on a grand journey in 2010. I have a new book full of blank pages waiting to collect whatever the year of discover brings.
INSPIRE is exactly what you have done to get the year started......Thanks!
Have a great day,
Jodi
The serendipitous part? Your blog and the INSPIRATION you provide played a huge part in my word choice and I even linked back to your blog in my post. I'm so looking forward to your new book coming out this year and I hope you get to enjoy the most INSPIRING year ever!
but i am creating a workshop called "make it happen in 2010: create a year of abundance, healing and possibility". the workshop is happening this weekend and i have been putting a lot of energy into putting it together.
and i have found that since 2010 started, life responds to me so quickly! so "make it happen" has become my intention.
though when i say "make it happen" i don't mean ME actually MAKING anything happen, but simply opening and allowing. and so many amazing things have been flowing in already.
So Brene, congratulations to you on seeing the light and sharing it with all of us, may this truth shine bright for you throughout 2010, even/esp. when things get hectic and I look forward to following you on your continuing and inspiring journey : )
I came across this http://www.jimcollins.com/article_topics/articles/best-new-years.html via this http://the99percent.com/tips/6216/a-new-kind-of-new-years-resolution-saying-no?utm_source=Triggermail&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=MIH%20Jan%2010 yesterday, haven't read it all yet - the computer glare hurts my little feverish eyes - but love the idea of a "Stop Doing" list vs traditional resolutions of yet more "Doing". This year for me will definitely be about boundaries, discernment, clarity, courage and compassion... that's way more than one word but I'll keep working on it.
Happy 2010!!!
It sounds like you are experiencing classic conflict between work and home life. This is inherent for every ambitious woman with a family, but particularly ironic for you because your research and writing acknowledges and emphasizes the importance of home and relationships.
You are so inspiring when you write and speak about the importance of relationships and family and authenticity, but the way you live your life seems incredibly ambitious. Read, cook, exercise, craft, movies, teach, blog, write, promote thyself. . .with a preschooler??? I am torn between saying 'you go girl' and 'oh, honey, some of that is going to have to wait for later."
When I am faced with this tension between ambition and family/self/sanity (it has come up repeatedly, even after I think I have dispensed with the issue) I try to keep in mind what kind of life I am modeling for my ambitious daughter. She is currently participating on the swim team, school musical, volunteer work and pursuing straight As. Her culture expects no less from her. She might well pull it off, but I am hoping that she will choose to achieve less and live more--and somehow feel okay about herself even as she accomplishes less. Can I model that for my daughter? I find accepting less achievement to be the real challenge in our society. My obituary might well be one of those that simply says "loving wife and mother." Do I have the courage to be that ordinary?
I wrote more about it on the post below and have the picture that inspired it there as well.
http://giftsofthejourney.wordpress.com/2010/01/05/one-word-my-word/
Rising
Glue
Stamina
Flow....... Flow
FLOW!
My 2010 word is flow. I am hooked on the rush and joy of being totally emersed in a task. I am challenging myself to find the flow in all aspects of life not just limit it to one or two.
Thank you so much for your inspiration!
my word is manifest: i have started so many projects and pieces of art over the last year of exploring, that i wanted to choose a few ideas to complete and send out into the world this year. i also want to manifest pure joy in my life. happy new year!