#reverb 2010 (week 1)

I'm thrilled to be participating in Reverb#10!

What is it?

Reverb#10 is an online initiative that encourages participants to reflect on this year and manifest what’s next. It’s an opportunity to retreat and consider the reverberations of your year past, and those that you’d like to create in the year ahead.                                   

Why?  The Reverb community is connected by the belief that sharing our stories has the power to change us. Sounds just like the Ordinary Courage community, right?    

How?   This year, 31 authors were asked to write prompts for Reverb10. My prompt is on 12/27! Most of the sharing is done on Twitter using the hashtag #reverb10.

Want to know more?   Check out their wonderful site! You'll get to meet Cali,Kaileen & Gwen - the co-conspirators behind Reverb10 and learn more about the authors and prompts.

Let's do it!

Because most of my readers aren't on Twitter, I thought it would be fun to have a space to REVERB! Here are the first seven prompts and my answers. Please feel free to share your answers in the comments section OR leave us a link to your blog!

From Gwen Bell: Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you're choosing that word. Now, imagine it's one year from today, what would you like the world to be that captures 2011?

2010 in one word: VULNERABLE - I've felt very exposed this year. I've had the opportunity to do things that both excite and terrify me (like the PBS TV special and having a video about my breakdown spiritual awakening go viral). It's been a great year, but I've spent most of it feeling very vulnerable.

2011 in one word: STRENGTH - I want to manifest patience, stillness, and mindfulness in 2011. These all require strength for me. Ironically, strength that comes from knowing and embracing my vulnerabilities.

From Leo Babauta: What do you do each day that doesn't contribute to your writing - and can you eliminate it?

Email. Internet numbing. Yes. I can eliminate a lot of it.

From Ali Edwards: Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

Being in Maui with my family. I was literally overwhelmed by the beauty.

One day we rented a red convertible and drove to the Hali-imaile General Store for lunch. It was one of the best days of my life. And the food . . . OMG. I had the "Sashimi Napoleon." It's layers of smoked salmon, Ahi tartare, sashimi Ahi, and crispy wontons with wasabi vinaigrette. Ellen took this picture from the backseat of the car! 

We swam under waterfalls and played on the beach. I am the most alive when I am in nature with Steve, Ellen and Charlie.

From Jeffery Davis: How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

I cultivate wonder through my faith, music, nature, and a daily gratitude practice. I need all of these.

From Alice Bradley: What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

Leave it to Alice to make me cry.

I guess I let go of my fear of being criticized and ridiculed. It still hurts, but now that it's happened, I'm not living in fear of it happening. When my work blew up last month and I had articles on PBSParents and CNN, and the TEDx video went viral, I received several really hateful comments. Comments that ranged from "You're so ugly that you'd have to be okay with imperfection" and "you're a horrible mom" to "what a stupid bitch." At first it didn't matter that there were 50 supportive comments for each mean one, I was crushed.

It felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach. One minute I was all "F-YOUI" and the next minute  I was hiding under the covers. I like debate and disagreement, but being on the receiving end of cruelty is hard. One day, in the midst of this struggle, I drove by a sign in front of a church that said, "Do heartily your work for God, rather than for man." In a split second I realized that I had to make a choice. Be quiet, safe and make sure everyone likes me, or share my story and my work in the most honest way possible.

I won't lie to you and say it doesn't bother me anymore. It does. But it only lasts for a few minutes and I get back on my feet. I also found this quote from Scott Stratten to be VERY helpful: "Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." 

The thing is - when you don't care at all what people think, you lose your capacity for connection. When you care too much, you lose your willingness to be vulnerable. The only way I can walk that thin line is with my faith.

From Gretchen Rubin: What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

I made ebelskivers with my daughter, Ellen. We were reading the Williams-Sonoma catalog together and we fell in love with the idea of these little stuffed pancakes. We bought the pan, the traditional turning sticks and the batter. It was so much fun! I want to cook more and I want to do some photo projects with my kids.

From Caligator: Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

I continue to be grateful for this on-line community. I am constantly inspired by the honesty and courage that people show in the comments and on their own blogs and Facebook pages.

As far as new communities, I did the closing keynote for the Life Beyond Cancer Retreat this year and was introduced to a community of women fighting, surviving and curing cancer. I was blown away by the fierce and loving way they fight for each other and for all of us.

In 2011, I want more time with the most important community in my life - my family. The in-laws and outlaws and cousins. Everyone.

This is a very powerful exercise. I would LOVE to read your REVERB10 answers to these prompts! You don't have to do all of them - even your favorite (or least favorite).

I'll be back next week with the next week of prompts!

Comments

[alice]

Well, now we're even! Both your books have made me cry. (In, you know, a good way, but *whatever.*)

Great post. Really.

[Kelly]

I am reverbing here:
http://reddoorsandramekins.blogspot.com/2010/12/peace-in-my-world-reverb-10-day-one.html

As difficult as it is, if I have to choose just one word for 2010, I would say SEEKING. This year, I have been trying to find my place in this world and trying to find the life that I am meant to be living, At risk of sounding like a beauty pageant contestant, the word that I am hoping will be my theme for 2011, is PEACE. Not world peace, although this would, truly, be a wonderful thing, but peace in my world.

Thanks Brene for revealing your vulnerability for all of us to see. Through your blog, you have become my "go to" person when I am looking for a shot of "ordinary courage".

[Angela DiGiovanni | life * poetry * art]

Brene, it is truly sad that people spend energy making such awful remarks. It's only a reflection of them - where they are at and the space they are in. Nonetheless, I empathize with your pain from them. There are so many of us that appreciate your vulnerability, as it gives us the courage to be the same way.

My word for 2010 is SURRENDER.

2010 has been a year of surrendering to difficult life changes and challenges, surrendering to the things I cannot change. Being open to the idea that this path is perfect for me and my growth in the roads I am to traverse. Being willing to accept my circumstances, rather than resisting them. Grasping for all the lessons that are here for me on this journey.

One such is my struggle with infertility, explored here:
http://angeladigiovanni.com/2010/12/08/the-childless-mother/the-what-if-im-pregnant-game/

[Jody]

I'm taking on this challenge and looking forward to it. I love to really look at things and figure out what to do with them... grow with them, save them for later, or let them go. I think this exercise will be helpful in this. Thanks for being so willing to share - it encourages me to do the same.

[Tia Sparkles Singh]

I love how you shared your thoughts with pictorial evidence :) Totally heartwarmed & smiled up! xoxo Tia

[Michelle]

I've just finished reading The Gifts of Imperfection, I have not yet had a chance to read "I Thought It Was Just Me" as of yet. I read -- a lot. But few authors have left me feeling directly connected, as though it is a story between friends. And connection is a wonderful theme through your book, which rings so true to me.

I think you are a tremendous writer and that everyone should have a copy of this guidebook to live Wholeheartedly. I will be chatting about you, your blog and your book to everyone.

Love it!

Kudos, Brene!

[playcrane]

Have you read Patti Digh's story in "Life is a Verb" about Always Rent the Red Convertible? Hearing about your adventure made me think of this story.

[Cheri]

It is really a shame when people have to be haters to feel better about themselves. But you know Brene - for every hater out there (and you are going to have them when you are being so widely exposed to the world) you have a hundred fans who love you and recognize how important your work is!

I have been so moved by The Gifts of Imperfection that I have recommended it repeated on my blog and also ordered copies as Christmas gifts. The real testament to your words is when someone would rather pay for additional copies than pass on their own!

My word for 2010 is GRATITUDE. I found that everything else I did this year ultimately led me that that feeling of being grateful - for my family, friend, blogging community, my life and my world. I'm participating in Reverb10 through my blog at http://cheriandrews.blogspot.com and "trying" to post every day! (I'm another one who doesn't do twitter)

[Amanda]

YES you totally got me back on track with this: http://gotcurls.wordpress.com/2010/12/08/reverb10-the-prompts-i-have-been-neglecting/

[Lee]

Thank you so much for your whole entry, but especially for giving words to describe that tightrope. I have often tried to explain it in a way for people to understand that though I tend to be honest (to a fault) I don't mean for it to give others permission to be cruel. I appreciate that you were, as you often are, able to put it in a way even the meanies can "get". I've put together a mini-blog to capture my #reverb10 exercises: http://reverb10lee.blogspot.com/

[bonnierose]

I've been doing this faithfully every day.. lots on my blog but just scroll down and go to older posts.. there's one reverb post every day!
hugs,
bonnierose

[Katrina]

I'm following along with Reverb10, also. Loving it! And, totally loving the jackass whisperer quote. Ha!

[Imelda]

I'm trying to reverb but have only done 2. I like this format and may copy it.

Lucky that you have an ebelskivers pan. I tried to order one but they are back ordered until Dec 28th. I never thought to check the store but probably gone too since it was part of their Top 20 item and I have been eyeing it for months. I did order Star Wars Pancake Molds so looking forward to my Saturday morning ritual, with The Force! :D

[Tami]

Vulnerable = hard, but I'm doing it too. Not Day 1, but still.

Your daughter captured you and your husband beautifully.

What's up with the haters? Seriously, I don't get it. Not only have I watched/listened to your Ted talk several times, I shared it with all my friends and readers. <shakes head>

I'm reverbing here: www.teachergoesbacktoschool.wordpress.com

[Amy]

Thanks for sharing Brene. In so many ways I was healed by your being vulnerable. It took a big push of my own, but I count your TedX video as one of the keys that made it possible for me to overcome my huge hurdle to being vulnerable.

I am blogging the reverb10 challenge on my blog. Come by if you have time!

http://inherentpassion.com/

[Jess]

Its awesome to read all the reverb responses thru twitter...
You put everything so beautifully... I hope that you really do manage to sum up 2011 with strength. =)

[Average Jane]

I've been doing one response per day all week on my blog.

[Catie McDowell]

Thank you Brene for being a light in the darkness. Seeing your TEDx video really affected me. I am a therapist, and I have since referred many clients to the video and your books. Your words, eloquence, humility and humor inspire me to find my own courage. So, I'm leaning so far into the discomfort, I may fall on my face, but...I am compelled to keep leaning.
One act of courage--I started writing. My #reverb10 is a piece about my father's last days. He is who I let go of this year. http://thoroughlyhuman.com/2010/11/20/lost-in-space/
Thank you.

[Alison]

Thanks for your post. I don't know if comments like that ever don't hurt, but having faith in the goodness of what you are offering can be a source of strength. I think you are right when you say your faith (your more divine faith) can help you walk the line between openness and protection. Thanks for all you do.

We love ebelskivers! My husband likes to experiment with fillings and toppings whenever we make them, so it is extra fun to try all the different possibilities. Enjoy!

[Madeleine]

I found you through Tami, up in the comments above there. And I'm glad I did! Enjoying your site and your reverbs, a lot!

I'm reverbing here: http://madyoga.wordpress.com

I'll look forward to reading more of yours!

[Bev]

I truly love your work and find a lot of inspiration in the podcasts and videos. I've never heard of ebelskivers!

Waiting for my books to arrive... Beautiful photos.

My word for 2010 'comfortable' as I didn't do too much that really challenged myself. 2011 'growth' I plan to change a few things and embrace a growth philosophy. That requires courage!

[Ann]

I am Reverbing at http://glamourshoescocktail.blogspot.com/ and Maui was also my answer to where I felt most alive this year. It was spectacular! I've only found your work recently but I must tell you it has already made a real impact in my life. Thank you so much and keep reading the good comments. I love the quote about not being the jackass whisperer. Priceless!

[Sarah Eve]

Reverbing Here: http://www.stogodard.blogspot.com

I love your short & sweet answers, is there a class I can take to learn how to do that, I think way to much!

Ebelskivers....what the fudge? I am speechless, thank you.

[Alana]

Oh wow. What a growth experience to be on the receiving end of such hatred. I for one am very glad you're not staying safe and trying to please everybody.

I am "reverbing" on my blog - http://lifeafterbenjamin.com

PS. We just moved and I am looking for the perfect spot for my studio be art (thank you again!)

[Manon]

Thanks for sharing Brene, that was beautiful. And love that quote!!!!

[Devon]

I am reverbing at http://www.indigitalcircles.com/dcfitzg. I really love reading everyone's posts, and connecting to their stories.

Your statement "when you don't care at all what people think, you lose your capacity for connection. When you care too much, you lose your willingness to be vulnerable. The only way I can walk that thin line is with my faith" really made me think about the tension between being thick-skinned and being open.

[Eileen]

Hello,
I'm answering three questions which scare and soothe me a bit.
I let go of pursuing pregnancy with a rabid fervor and with that some of my desire to please so many in my life. After two miscarriages, it was time to face my body, my fear of loneliness and why I want children. Many hours of crying, moving through yoga and pain, and talking to trusted friends/ body movers, I've come to realize a lot of things. My worthiness is strengthening and my body is perfect for this experience. Children delight me, but pregnancy isn't the only way to have children in my life. Pursuing perfection in these things, which was something I didn't recognize I was doing, has awakened me to so much. In shifting these feelings, I am exploring where all of this may go, but I know somehow it will be something creative and authentic to who I am.
My word for 2010 was Awakening. To who I really am, not who everyone wants me to be, to discovering my value and to giving my whole heart to life.
My word for 2011 is Nurture. I hope to nurture myself through 2011 with the gentleness I might show a child.
The last thing I made was a painting of an angel. I used a lot of glittery paint for her wings which I just can't get enough of . ;) I, in fact, have many art supplies- I should and may teach art at some point, so I have the tools to make art. Giving myself time to make art often feels self- indulgent when a dissertation looms, but it soothes and heals my soul. My angel is on my website if you want to view her.
Thanks for sharing reverb10 and I'll be back to participate more. ♥

[Alana in Canada]

I'm sorry the naysayers knocked you flat for a bit. Good to see you back on your feet. I want to thank you for your resources section. Currently, I feel like I am reconnecting and healing some of my spiritual scars by listening to Richard Rohr. That would not have happened without you and your blog.

[Living the Balanced Life]

I love the way you used pictures to portray your answers!
I am not participating in Reverb, too many other things on my plate right now, but I have enjoyed reading everyone else's feedback!
I would have to say my word for 2010 would be "balance" and my word for 2011 will have to be "peace" as that is what I hope to find after achieving an acceptable level of balance in my life!
Bernice
http://livingthebalancedlife.com/2010/one-good-belly-laugh-everyday/

[Sharon]

Dear Brene, You have become my new she-ro. I first found out about you thru the TedTalks post and I have returned to it many times to one more time explore connection and vulnerability. As busy as I feel on many days, I welcome seeing a new post from you on my computer.
I was so touched by the space you gave to acknowledge the naysayers - the nasty, small minded little buggers and the truth about how you felt. I want to acknowledge the courage you are showing by daring to stand up and out in front of the crowd. The truth is, the more visible we become, the more subjected we are to criticism. Safety is in staying small and being part of the crowd and I am delighted that you are brave enough to step forth and dare to dream a bigger dream and let yourself be seen. When we live a grace filled life, what others think of us is actually none of our business.
Your books are on my list to get and give this year.

[Jan Culpepper]

I decided to participate in #reverb10 this year and so far have found each prompt to stir all kinds of interesting thoughts and feelings. My responses so far can be found at www.preachermom.blogspot.com.

[Dr. Ashley Solomon @ Nourishing the Soul]

I just wanted to address the negative comments you got in response to your vulnerability and more public debut. I won't say anything about those comment directly because who knows what painful things must be going on in someone's life to make them say hateful things to a stranger. I will just add one more positive one to contribute to the 50-1 ratio: Your work is ground-breaking and I am consistently amazed and inspired by your energy, passion, and intelligence. Thanks for all that you do.

[Heidi]

I'm Reverbing, too! http://fridayprize.com/

and I can't wait to see what our prompt is on 12/27. Thanks for addressing the negative comments you've received, I've been very hesitant to open myself and my world up to that by writing on a blog. I have to say the jackass whisper quote is the best I've read so far, I'll keep it in mind as I write and write.

[Sherrie]

I'm reverbing here...sherrietraveling.wordpress.com.

I really like how you are doing a week of prompts at a time! Really enjoyed reading your genuine honesty. LOVE the jackass quote! God, do I need to remember that!

Keep writing and sharing!

[Joyelle]

I joined Reverb 10 a few days in, and I still can't decide on a word for this past year, or one for next year. But it is an interesting adventure so far!

[Angie Rice]

As someone who is new to blogging I understand trying to find a balance in the vulnerable/closed off cycle. I love the jackass whisperer quote - too funny! I have been doing the reverb project too. You can see my answers at www.poppyinthesun.com

[spice]

i would like to go on the record to say you are just brilliant, amazing and so encouraging to so many people. i do not like that some people think it is ok to hurt you with their words. you know what you are all about, keep holding your head up high like you are doing. you go girl.happy holidays to you and your family.

my word for this year would be balance, learning i have to be good to myself in order to be able to help others.i cant always be helping everyone, every charity.
my word for next year is ME. taking time to learn more about me. doing things on my bucket list.enjoying more fun time with my husband.

[flora louise]

Brene, thank you so much for your work, your bravery and your honesty. I've read both of your books and watched your interviews and refer to them daily (seriously, I always have at least one book in my purse). Your exhortations to put your authentic story out there have inspired me to reverb10 in public, no less. thank you, thank you, thank you.

[flora louise]

oops. meant to link to where I'm reverbing, here: http://floralouise.wordpress.com/

[Lisa]

Hi Brene,
My brother just turned me on to your newest book today and I just watched your TED talk and posted it to FB to share with my friends. Thank you for your research and sharing what you have learned.

In the talk, when I heard that you say that the way we can become vulnerable again is GRATITUDE, I wondered if you were familiar with Native American traditions of the Thanksgiving Address and how important that is to vibrant individuals and communities.

I also read about that you love being in nature and wondered if you had heard of something called nature connection or nature awareness. Jon Young is a guy who has spent most of his adult life bringing these two things to people throughout the US and worldwide, namely GRATITUDE via the Thanksgiving Address and deep connection with nature through a specific mentoring process.

Anyway, I thought it might be something you would like personally and perhaps even professionally, as people worldwide get awesome results of becoming connected to themselves, connecting with their vulnerability and being able to show up in an authentic and heartfelt way. His website is just his name .org if you want to check this stuff out.

All the best to you and I will continue to let people know to come check your stuff out!

Aloha

[Tricia]

I am doing the Reverb 10 challenge on my blog as well, and I am loving it! And thanks for allowing yourself to be vulnerable with your readers -- I really appreciate your candor relating to the "Let Go" prompt. And like some other commenters, I love that jackass quote! Awesome!!!

[Tricia]

Hmmm, don't know why my blog site didn't post. Anyhoo, it's http://loveyourlife.typepad.com/love_your_life/

[Kathy]

These are really powerful questions and I am so glad you posted them. That doesn't mean I want to answer them though. I can't seem to get beyond the fact that my word for 2010 seems to be painful. I think I can imagine that next year my word would be hopeful.

[lifeineden {amy}]

I am so sorry to hear you got negative comments, how disappointing. But what you said was indeed wonderful and true, without vulnerablity we lose our ability to connect. And like so many others ... LOVED the jackass quote.

I'm reverbing at my blog http://lifeineden.wordpress.com -- can't wait for your prompt!

[soraya nulliah]

dear Brene-I just can't believe how cruel some people can be. Obviously this is a reflection of their own pain and self hatred but it makes it no easier for you. I LOVED doing this prompt and wrote about in on my blog http://sorayanulliah.blogspot.com I always pop by here when I need some insight, perspective and...ordinary courage!

[TJ]

Brene,

I am a latecomer to the reverb project--only a week into it--and already it is changing my life and introducing me to this incredible online community (including your blog!). This has been a year of finally breaking free from what others would think of me if I did X or if they knew Y. Your quote here really sums up a lot of my experience and the jackass quote is fabulous!

"Be quiet, safe and make sure everyone likes me, or share my story and my work in the most honest way possible."

Can't wait to read your book; I have a pile of reading that I have discovered over the past week! Here's a post I wrote that really strikes to the heart of how I am trying to live my life: with honesty, compassion and an open heart.

http://roadmomma.wordpress.com/2010/12/10/reverb10—wisdom/

namaste--TJ

[Karen Harris]

"Internet numbing" There - you named it for what it is. That is what I need to have less of in the coming year. I need to stay engaged.

Thank you for your books and blog! :)

[April Capil]

Brene, when I put my makeup tutorials (teaching women how do do your makeup during chemotherapy) on YouTube, I got a terribly hurtful comment, something like "Why are you bothering trying to wear makeup, you're just going to die anyway." I was immediately hurt, but not even 24 hours has passed before other posters vilified the offender and submitted supportive, encouraging messages to me. I had already deleted the post, but (bittersweetly) realized that there is, as St. Francis of Assisi put it, not enough darkness in the world to extinguish the light of a single candle. I laughed even this morning because I've been looking for a job, but also inspired by a song to put together a new video. My Aunt, aware that I may have to go into the "cancer closet" in this economy to even get an interview, said to me very seriously, "Honey, PLEASE don't put anything else on the Internet." I looked at her and said, in perhaps an overtly firm voice, "One thing you need to know is I will NEVER stop sharing my story, as long as people can still be inspired and uplifted by it. Every SINGLE time I wanted to give up, someone's comment on my YouTube channel would remind me why I need to keep doing what I'm doing." I IMMEDIATELY thought of your work with shame and just shook my head. Sometimes it's not even our OWN shame we have to overcome (to be authentic), but the shame OTHER people want to push on us! Regardless of whether it's a moron posting comments on a video or our own family, we must persist in preserving our integrity if we want to live with our whole heart.