nesting + play

We're finally getting settled in the new house and I'm starting to feel like myself again. The hard lesson of this move? I'm as sane as my house is organized. It's been a tough six weeks.

Now that most of the boxes are unpacked we've been baking, decorating, and getting our creativity on! I've been working very hard to fight off the gremlins that are constantly nagging me with "You're behind on your emails" and "Stop playing with all of those cupcake papers and developing pictures - there's serious work to be done." 

Play is a key piece of my Wholehearted practice and I'm still learning how to do it. In The Gifts of Imperfection, I confess that I didn't even recognize play when I heard the research participants describing it. I didn't "get it" until I saw Ellen and Charlie on the trampoline. It was a total AHA moment: "Oh! These wholehearted folks are talking about play! I guess it's not just for kids."  

Stuart Brown has done wonderful research on play - his book has really helped me get my head and heart around play. Rather than defining play, Brown proposes seven properties of play. One property of play is that it's time spent without purpose. In our culture that's also known as an anxiety attack. Our TO-DO lists are so extensive that we feel like slackers if we're not working to check off tasks every single minute of the day and night. Even sleep has started to feel self-indulgent. 

Brown also identifies losing track of time as an important property of play. Understanding this property of play has taught me a lot about myself. For me, nesting is play. Piddling around my house is play. Editing photos is play. 

Brian Sutton-Smith writes, "The opposite of play is not work; it's depression." The more I play, the more I believe it. 

I'd love to know what constitutes play for you! Leave a comment and I'll draw two names to win copies of Stuart Brown's book!  

Comments

[Laura]

play for me is working on a creative problem for a very long time.

[Lauren]

For me, play is spending time experimenting in the kitchen, reading in our overstuffed easy chair, leisurely walks with my love and spontaneously going on day trips or new adventures to places we haven't been before. These things allow me to get lost in the moment without obsessing over what needs to be done next on my to-do list.

[andria]

Yesterday, I took a break from my to-do lists and I laid a blanket out in my backyard and jammed out to my ipod. It was perfect.

[Mary Ellen]

I play in my garden every chance I get. I love to go out early, before it is too hot, wearing my pajamas and drinking my coffee. Sometimes I am so engrossed in my play that I look at my watch and discover it is lunchtime!

[amalia]

Hammock time, sometimes with a book or magazine, sometimes without (but always with my Factor 60!)

[Boon SUn]

Play is spending time enjoying yourself, letting go yourself. For me, play is when i interact with different people, hanging out with people i love, and perhaps, activities which i like and enjoyed, and time just seems to fly past.

2 hours at work is so different from 2 hours of play time, because the former feels like spending 6 hours while the latter feels like 30minutes and you can never get enough of playtime!

[Deanna]

Oh, what an encouragement this is to play more. My word for 2011 is play or be more playful. I let life get too serious and stressful. Thanks for the kick in the butt to get out and play!!

[Bahieh K.]

Hi Brene!!

Love that you are settled in your new home :)

The quote on play is just FANTASTIC!!!!

PLAY for me is playing with kids and reconnecting with my own child-spirit!!! Play is silly dancing and silly singing and silly cooking in my house :)

More than an activity play is doing something with no guilt, with pleasure as the only purpose, in a spirit of discovery and welcoming mistakes and detours.

Above all I love cultivating a PLAYFUL ATTITUDE every single day of my life.

Some people call it childish but when I tell them PLAY is the secret to looking 10 years younger, they rethink this defintion. ;)

Love + play.

xox

[Ed]

Play for me is walking around the city of DC on a saturday exploring what is out there, different markets and fairs, new shops iIhaven't seen, neighborhoods i have been to, poking around.

Also playing ping pong with out keeping score, just trying to volley as long and as crazy as possible.

[Charade]

When I play I like to dance to some of my favorite, usually obscure, CD's (dead give-away on my age, there!) or create something in my sewing/beading room. Ideally, it's doing both at the same time.

[Christine @ Coffees & Commutes]

Play for me is scrapbooking and sitting curled in a comfy spot with a good book. I lose myself in both activities, and always come away feeling recharged.

[Jennifer]

GREAT POST. I'm with Deanna -- thanks for the kick in the butt (and permission) to get out and play. And, I love those cupcake papers. :)

[missy]

love that - the opposite of play is not work, but depression. Very true. Your post, as usual, is thought provoking, inspiring and encouraging in best sort of way! Thanks!

[Sean Cox]

Play for me is exercising or playing guitar. I love what I do professionally, so fortunately my work as a life coach feels like play as well, including posting blogs on my website. Going to the lakefront of Chicago, just a short walk from my house, is definitely an important way I play and am refreshed. Hmmm--I think I need to do that today!

[Jackie]

Play is walking into my garden with a cup of coffee to just take a quick look at what is bloomming/changing etc and then leaving an hour later with muddy hands and a cold cup of coffee because I never meant to "garden."

[Becca]

Play for me is art journaling, dancing around the living room or kitchen with my little girls, and occasionally sitting down to do play-dough with them. Nothing is as therapeutic as squishing that stuff through your fingers!

[Christina]

Wow, I needed this post. In fact, my husband and I were at an impasse this weekend because he knows how to play and I...well...don't. I couldn't understand why he was putting play before work on our busy Saturday. Things still were accomplished, but I definitely think there was an anxiety attack somewhere in there. I wish I could easily tell you what play is for me, but after this weekend I realized I am still trying to figure that out.

[Megan]

For me, I know that I am truly allowing myself to play when I see the joy reflected back at me from my children. Pure play = joy!!!

[sue]

getting into the water and making like an otter!

[Cori Berg]

Play is letting go of control, allowing for the unexpected to happen, taking risks, creating an opening for joy and freedom.

[Allison Marek]

Play is creativity. Play is laughter. Play is taking as much time as I want. Play is reading or watching something that has absolutely nothing to do with social work or psychology. Play is being a tad inappropriate.

[Robyn Mourning]

Playing in the mountains is my favorite!!! Of course I don't play enough! I'd LOVE to have this book!

[Caroline Johnson]

Play is trail running with my boys at events.. travelling and getting there is half the fun.. it's letting go of the little things and just letting loose...I can always come back to the other STUFF later.

[Natalia]

My current favourite form of play is board games (I can play Bandu for hours). The only problem is that I cannot always find people to play with me!

[Eileen]

I'm not particularly good at play, but I remember it. I used to act and that was playtime for me...it's not practical as a mom anymore. Reading, I guess...I love to do the voices in a book for my kids.

[Dixie]

June is probably the most "playful" month for me. Long summer evenings, strawberries, lightening bugs, the smell - and taste! - of honeysuckle, walking barefoot through the cool grass...

[Jewel Willis]

Play for me is watching my dogs play and learning what their body language is saying. Reminds me to live in the moment, not hold grudges and to really listen to what others are telling me. Always brings me back to "the now"...the best time there is.

[Babybloomr]

Play = 'puttering' to me, too!
I like to completely change out my dining room table with different dishes, cloths, wineglasses, centerpieces, etc.-- I believe the trendy bloggy term is '"tablescaping." I stop just short of being rabidly seasonal or thematic, i.e. a giant Easter bunny centerpiece, though it takes a massive amount of self-control, as I was born and raised in the South and cutesy/matchy-matchy is kind of in my DNA...I can also easily lose an hour or two wandering mindlessly around an antique mall or six.

[Ginny]

Play for me is a whirlwind day in the kitchen with lots of recipes going at once, or wandering around the neighborhood on foot or bike without a timeline for returning home.

[maureen n]

play for me is enjoying all the wonderful inspiration on pinterest or getting lost for hours processing my photos. good to know I don't have to feel guilty about playing . . .

[Beth Herman]

Play for me was supposed to be mutually exclusive from work. But learning to approach a task as play (thank you, Koelle SImpson) made it more productive and joyful for all involved. Play to me is being able to follow your inspiration down an uncharted path to create something new...without first knowing what the result will be!

[Susie Davis]

Play = eating fritos, drinking wine, and staring out the window at the birds in my backyard,

[rob]

listening to the same new song on my iPod .. over and over and over again .. and .. over and over ...

[JM]

Play for me is baking a cake from scratch. ....and then, eating it, of course.

[Christine Barrera]

Play for me is doing anything meditative; a time when I can just zone out and be with my thoughts, watch glamorous ladies in old movies or read. I just got back from a 2 hour hike, where my intention was to play in this way, but I started getting anxious about how long the hike was getting to be (I didn't bring a clock)!

[Sara foster]

Play is making pies and creating an interesting top design and then bringing it to share with friends!

[Dave F]

Play to me is doing whatever is fun just cos.
Cooking and creating new dishes falls right into that category. So does goofing around on my guitar and singing.

[Tina]

Playing for me is laughing and spending time with people that mean the world to me. I can get lost for hours in conversation. Also, I thoroughly love going for a walk on the beach or in the mountains. Very good for the spirit :)

[maeve]

Brene, I identify with so much of what you write. I, too, have a hard time knowing how to stop doing and just play. I laughed out loud when I read: "One property of play is that it's time spent without purpose. In our culture that's also known as an anxiety attack." So true. Fortunately, I live with someone who teaches me how to play. He pries the vacuum, Swiffer, or Pledge can out of my hand and makes me dance to Elvis.

[Paige]

Play is simply whatever connects you to your inner child, to that person that used to wonder at fireflies and marvel at a caterpillar inching it's way across the garden.
It is whatever stops your adult life for a period of time....stops the worry, stops the anxiety, stops the "what ifs".
For me, it's a motorcycle ride.....it's a game of wii bowling...it's laughing until I pee a little.
Play is what re-connects you to that part of yourself that is JOYOUS, carefree, and peaceful....without it we become....*GASP* grown ups.....those people we resented and feared when we were kids....but we all remember that one neighbor, that one aunt or uncle, that one teacher that still had the "kid" connect in spite of being an adult. I work everyday to BE that person.

[Henry Allen]

A clairvoyant woman told me once that I don't get good rest when I sleep. She was correct. She said I was always working, even in my sleep. She was correct. I asked her how to fix the problem, and she said that it is not a problem at all... the work I am doing in both my waking and sleeping hours is important to the world. "Play," she said. "You rest when you play. Create time and space in your life to play."

She was correct.

[Mandi]

I loose track of time when I'm gardening, editing photos, digital scrapbooking, writing about our family experiences, and enjoying unstructured time with my son, where we just follow the moment and see where play leads us. It's such a wonderful, free feeling when you realize how much time has gone by.

[Jeanne]

Play for me is walking away from cleaning the house on the week-end and going for a long drive on a windy road to look at the sights!

[Kate Johnson]

Started my own business last year. Now, for the first time in my life, work feels like play!

[Charlotte]

Recently I've begun playing with fabric, figuring out new ways to put color, texture, and shape together to make something, anything! I also love walking in the neighborhood with my phone camera, snapping pictures of everything that captures my attention.

Word play is a family game for us, riffing on rhymes, euphemisms, and idioms at most dinnertimes. My preteen and teenaged kids have gotten quite sophisticated in their grasp of English, and they even throw in French now and then.

[Jennifer Hupe]

MMmm Play! I try to play as much as possible but with school and work at the same time its hard to find time for it. So I play when I am cleaning and cooking by DANCING. I always have fun spunky music going and make work PLAY.

[ebdb]

Play, for me, is going on a long walk or run and letting my mind wander taking me to imaginary worlds where I deal with made up difficult situations in superhero-like ways - I'm an amazing athlete! Or I save the drowning puppy from the shark! I love it, it is so exhilarating! It's always one of my favorite things to do... when I can let my mind go. Too often my To Do list tries to insert itself into my daydreaming, but the walking and running help me to shut it out, that's my "me" time.

[holeywizdum]

Play is reading old journal pages or poetry I've written.

[Vanessa Mickan]

For me, play is walking in the woods and listening for the calls of birds to see if I can recognize which species they are. It's walking and looking ahead at the trail and not caring whether there is anything at the end of it. It's looking at ferns and little flowers and the beautiful textures of the bark on the trees, and taking a breath and realizing that it is the deepest breath I've taken all week!

[misha leigh]

Oh man - I feel so guilty saying this. But just reading the internet like a magazine is play for me. Tripping from one place of beauty and stimulation to another is an introvert's playground! But on top of that, I have also been learning how to run as play. It's only ever been 'a goal accomplished' for me so far - but willpower only motivates for so long and then it becomes damaging as a motivation. (At least to me!) So I am learning to play in many other areas... letting enjoyment be my accomplishment!