"once you are real, you can't be ugly"

My amazing friend Dee Dee sent me this passage from the 1922 children's classic, The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams. She said it reminded her of our Wholehearted community. It's so beautiful that I wanted to share it with you. Have a great weekend!

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real, you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real, you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Comments

[Caroline]

That book always made me cry when I read it to my kiddos. Rereading it now - crying again. It is a beautiful quote!

[Stephanie]

Love it. Truly. Thanks.

[Marisa]

Brings tears to my eyes too. I must pull out this book tonight and read it to my boys tonight. Thanks for reminding me of this beautiful story.

[Christianne]

I love the Velveteen Rabbit. That story always makes me cry, and the part you quoted above is my absolute favorite part. Thanks for sharing.

[Katia]

Very moving & incredible beautiful - love it!

[susana]

Oh wow! how beauitful! Thanks for sharing with us!! xx

[mamawolfe]

I love this quote - in fact, I used it in my wedding vows! Thanks for the reminder!
http://mamawolfe-living.blogspot.com

[Sally G.]

This is beautiful beyond measure. I'll be sharing it for sure. And WOW to mamawolfe for infusing it into her wedding vows!!

Thank you Dee Dee and Brene ... Sally.

[susan blank]

I am a psychotherapist and I do a lot of inner child work with my clients. What a perfect description of embracing our inner child, shedding our false self and becoming Real. I am excited to share this quote with them. Thank you!!!

[Pat Mc]

Perfect....love that book....makes me cry. Thanks for sharing Brene!

[Angie]

This first meant something to me when I read it when my dad was in Hazelden for treatment of alcoholism. It is still so moving to me. Thanks for sharing it.

[Sabine]

einfach wundervoll !

[Jackie Walker]

What a glorious passage to read first thing in the morning, it's not a book I've read before, I might add to my Amazon list!

[Judy Ringer]

Wonderful to become Real. To find what it is. Thank you.

[Mercedes Isla]

So sweet...and Real :)

[Robyn O'Brien]

Just love this. Thank you.

[maggiemacall]

Thanks for sharing this! Brought back wonderful memories of reading it to my kids. Am going to buy some copies for my grandchildren. (Am keeping the original in all its tattered glory!)

[Kathy in Quebec]

So sweet, so true. It brought tears to my eyes.

[lehona]

LOVE!!! I too have a tattered copy of this book. I am grateful for all the people in my life past and present that have been courageous enough to be real.

[Noreen]

Lovely post and so true, thanks Brené.

[Fenny]

Knew it! I instantly recognize the quote. And you took exactly my favourite part out of the book. It IS realily, isn't it?

[Robin]

Incredibly beautiful.... love the "when you are real, you don't mind being hurt"..... so precious.

[Taylor in Tennessee]

Have never read this before, but how beautiful it is! I'm becoming Real at this very minute!

[Donna]

My favorite children's book for just this passage. As I have become real over the years I have found my hair has fallen out, turned gray and my joints are loose. It has hurt being real but it is the most beautiful thing that can happent o you...thx for the reminder that I can't be ugly now....

[Robin]

I was real yesterday when I asked for what I needed. I did get a response,(not exactly the response I wanted) but I knew better than to place my healing on the response. I felt vulnerable and yucky yesterday but today I feel empowered and whole. Thanks Brene, it really does work!

[Lisa]

My goodness, do I love this book...thanks for the reminder today!

[Elena]

What a great reminder for so many children (and their parents) as they head back to school. Thank you for sharing!

[carrie]

i love this. Just what i needed to read today. Thank you.

[playcrane]

Yesterday when you posted this it was the first day of fall classes. As I was having my undergrad Lifespan Development students share something they love, one said "The Velveteen Rabbit.". Then she said she had a tattoo of it. Sure enough, the rabbit on her leg.

[Katie]

One of my favorite passages ever, probably. Love, love, love.

[Carey Vorholt]

Perfect!

[Cheryl]

Once when my daughter was about three (she's 23 now!) we were driving to preschool. We had just read the Velveteen Rabbit and that morning from the back seat she asks me, "Mommy, how did you and Daddy make ME real?" I almost drove into a tree! Now, years later, I am going through an ugly divorce from her father and feel like I am becoming real for the first time in a very long time, and yes, it does hurt.

[tracy]

Perfect and fabulous!

[Michelle Andres]

I especially like the reminder that it can take a while and all your fur might be rubbed off. Beautiful!

[Mary Young]

Wow...so beautiful...I needed this right now.

[Kelly]

Wow. That is all.

[mosey (kim)]

One of our favourites around here... I love the vintage illustrations.

[Alex]

When I was in 5th grade, one of my classmates died of leukemia. His parents gave every child in the class a copy of the book, since it was his favorite. I still have my copy and I think of him every time I read it.

[Felecia]

Amazing!

[Eva]

Gosh, I don't know how I got through childhood without reading it, but I just read the whole book for the first time because of this post. What a wonderful story and lesson about being real. Thanks for sharing!

[alex]

OMG...I LOVE that story at WHOLE new level! So well said...I look at myself today with all the imperfections that I used to say made me ugly and I can honestly say that I Iove me...ALL of me! The good, the bad and the crooked LOL =) Being Real has blown the love and compassion gate inside of me wide open...Thanks for sharing!

[Neri]

Thanks for sharing.

I can't wait to see a post like the ones that make you so transparent....and you put it all out there.
I will be patient :)

If they don't come again, I salute you for doing what is best for you.

A forever fan

[schmutzie]

This passage from The Velveteen Rabbit actually saved my life on a number of occasions. Thank you for posting it!

[Liz Gow]

Just wonderful. Thank you.

[Taffy]

Seems there are those times when something you really need comes just when you really need it. This is that time for me. Thanks for such a great reminder.

[Roberta]

The Velveteen Rabbit is my favorite book of all time. I have clung to it going through pain, surgery, joy, and radiation. I know I am no longer the pretty woman I once was - the scars have taken over - but, I feel I can better relate to my patients and my dogs. I brought in a Blue-tick Coonhound, sight unseen. What an ugly dog - for one day, if that. Harry became a living example of the Skin Horse. What a beloved, loving and protective dog. I won't repeat his sad story just that he graced our life here. One day, Harry came in coughing. Old dog - they cough. He lay on the couch and looked me straight in the eyes. No ordinary cough - my vet had to put him down about midnight; his platelet count was 2 - incredibly low. She tracked me down at the hospital for permission as he struggled to breathe and was so frightened. I said absolutely and now am weeping as I remember again.
When I was growing up, my main word was "horse" and my main horse was King, a plastic bay gelding my Dad put together for me. I finally relented years later and allowed my youngest sister to play with my horses (I couldn't have a real one - well, literally); she and her friends made King, the "ugly" horse with falling out mane and no tail, be the "bad" horse in their story. When I learned of this, I shocked myself by snatching up King, extolling his virtues and berating my sister for even considering him ugly. As I looked at my reaction, I remembered the Skin Horse and the Velveteen Rabbit, realizing, for me, King was my Skin Horse and very, very REAL.
I'm currently in the middle of your book, The Gifts of Imperfection. I have it on my NOOK and highlighted and highlighted as I read yesterday evening. So much is resonating. I am not a person in recovery per se but do have my wounds from which to recover. I have painfully learned to share my vulnerability with the right people, not just anyone. Right now, I am challenging myself to either go all out in my nursing career, which is nearing retirement, or become a float nurse. Much to juggle. Thanks for your posts and yes, have a GREAT weekend.

[Dee Dee]

This has made my day and hard week, to know that it touches a deep spot in all of us. Lots of love and tears here...

[Michelle]

So beautiful. And so true. This helps me in my quest to accept, lovingly, my c-section scar and my saggy belly flab. They're here because of the love I have for my two children. And I would never ever trade them for a svelt, perfect body!

[Janet]

I wonder, as my eldest child moves toward junior high.... do you have to BE ugly some in order to get real? It just seems like, developmentally, they are all experimenting with various types of meanness and the power of being 'in' and 'out'.

[carole grady]

i remember having someone read these very quotes at our wedding, over 30 yr ago. the words still resonate in my heart.............also read it many times during the xmas holidays to my children, i would always choke up. so tender and real!