courage is a heart word

If you've read The Gifts of Imperfection or I Thought It Was Just Me, you know that I love the history of the word courage. 

The root of the word courage is cor—the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage had a very different definition than it does today. Courage originally meant “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.” Over time, this definition has changed, and, today, courage is more synonymous with being heroic.

We certainly need heroes, but I think we’ve lost touch with the idea that speaking honestly and openly about who we are, about what we’re feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad) is the definition of courage.

Heroics is often about putting our life on the line. Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line. In today’s world, that’s pretty extraordinary.

In the September issue of Glamour Magazine, my good friend Jess Weiner is putting her vulnerability on the line in a big way. Her article on body acceptance, self-worth, and health is the best kind of truth-telling: It sparks critical thinking and passionate conversation.

It's taken me a very long time (years + a breakdown spiritual awakening) to figure out my own values and beliefs around health, self-love, and my body. Everyone has a different story and a different journey. I believe the greatest danger we face comes from reducing this struggle to one story, one politic, or one way of being right, politically correct, or self-confident. 

I hope you’ll take a few minutes and read the article (here's the link). I’d love to know what you think! Respectful debate, although rare these days, is also an act of courage.  

Comments

[Amanda]

I struggled for years with an eating disorder, one of the hardest things for me to overcome was the reflex to feel shame if someone was working on their health in a way that I was not. When I didn't need to lose weight and someone was dieting, I would struggle. When someone else gained weight and didn't worry, I would suffer. None of the reactions were healthy, but they were authentic feelings.

Weight, particularly for women, is such a hot button. I think that we all need to be committed to pursuing our healthiest selves, physically and emotionally. When we allow image, whether it's loving skinny or ample bodies, to dictate health, we run the risk of hurting ourselves.

I applaud Jess for being open to hearing that her body acceptance and physical health were in contradiction. I wish people would allow others to follow their journey without judging. We shouldn't be afraid of someone else's joy or health.

[Amalia]

What is most meaningful to me in Jess' discussion is her emphasis on being healthy...yes, societally we seem to be driven by scale numbers and size tags, but at the end of the day we do best for ourselves when we learn how to be healthy.
Honestly, it's a timely reminder for me, so thank you.

[Belinda Fireman]

I admire Jess' courage and her ability to choose her authentic path.

[Jesse]

Brilliantly written and thoughtfully shared. I've had similar struggles, finding myself overweight and feeling like Confident Me isn't supposed to want to lose weight. But of course I do want things like a stronger, more capable body, and a mind and body fueled by healthy foods instead of sugar rollercoasters or emotional eating. Doing it mindfully (or doing anything mindfully) is a big struggle and I really appreciate how she shared honestly about it despite the potential ramifications of doing it in public, too. Thank you thank you for sharing Jess's article.

[Joy Tanksley]

As a fierce proponent of the Health at Every Size movement, I will courageously admit that Jess's article was really tough for me. I am a big fan of Jess's work, and I absolutely respect her unique journey and the need she felt to go public with what's been on her heart and mind. However, I think the article perpetuated some well worn, and very damaging messages about health and weight.

The article also sadly linked loving and accepting our bodies with not taking care of our bodies. From my personal experience and the experiences of many clients, I know the opposite to be true. True love and acceptance brings a desire to move our bodies in ways that are pleasurable and joyful, to nourish our bodies with wonderful foods, and to seek the medical care we need. The idea of "loving my body almost killed me" doesn't gel up with anything I know about love.

There have already been some wonderful, wholehearted responses to her piece. These are my two favorites:

http://www.thebodypositive.org/blog/loving-your-body-did-not-almost-kill-you-.html

http://healthateverysizeblog.wordpress.com/2011/08/09/the-haes-files-loving-your-body-wont-kill-you-but-being-targeted-for-a-curse-might/

[Jet Harrington]

I also appreciate Jess putting her story out there as an act of courage, of vulnerability. I am however, deeply concerned about the way she equates "loving her body" with not caring for her body in a loving way - e.g. eating healthy foods, moving in a joyful way, exploring her feelings.

I am also concerned about the focus on numbers - especially those on a weight scale - instead of the focus on how she feels in her body.

While the article itself talks about these topics, the title of the article is inflammatory, and in an age of tl;dr, many will only see the title, and not the more in-depth discussion to follow.

I am most grateful for the discussion that is emerging around this article; from that standpoint, I hope Jess's willingness to be vulnerable and share her story will be what is remembered, rather than her weight numbers. And I hope she continues on her path to loving her body without reservation.

This is a wonderful response to Jess's article, one that prompts us all to ask questions about how we love our bodies. http://healthateverysizeblog.wordpress.com/2011/08/09/the-haes-files-loving-your-body-wont-kill-you-but-being-targeted-for-a-curse-might/

[Kendra @ Voice in Recovery]

I agree 100% with Joy. There are a lot of confusing messages, but I am grateful for this dialogue coming up so we can all have a respectful dialogue! I knew when the story was going to hit the news, it was going to have a lot of debate, and I hope we can continue to see big picture dialogues about tough topics in a respectful manner

[Brené Brown]

Joy - thanks for sharing those responses!

I'm not sure the title matches what she's saying in the article. As someone who has had the title on every article, essay, and op/ed I've ever written changed to be more "controversial" - I really focused more on the essay.

My sense is that she's wondering if we can get so caught up in the "Love our body" movement that we forget how to really love our bodies - our bodies become political objects.

When you write, "True love and acceptance brings a desire to move our bodies in ways that are pleasurable and joyful, to nourish our bodies with wonderful foods, and to seek the medical care we need" - that absolutely sums up my personal experiences and values. And, to be honest, I think it reflects what Jess is saying too.

Thank you again for commenting and sharing the links!

[LisaMac]

What a truly courageous woman. No matter what size, color or age you are it is always hard to publicly have to state that you have had to make an adjustment to your belief system. How proud and relieved she must be to have those numbers back where they should be to keep her healthy. And I thin that getting counseling to understand her eating habits was a brilliant and brave move.

[Dianne]

Fascinating. I feel quite out of my element commenting here. No PhD no degree of any kind except perhaps from the school of hard knocks lol. I continue to live with eating issues and boy could I relate to what Jess said in her article. While I do think that Jess maybe carries more responsibility because of her chosen career path, I love that she just lays it on the line where she is right now. What more can we really ask of someone? Perfection? Then we are spinning in circles again. I accept her article at face value and assume that she, like all the rest of us, is a work in progress. Still struggling with loving my body, my self at 47, and I appreciate the conversation. I really feel like we just need to be more accepting of each other as well as ourselves, loving the imperfection and realizing that life is a process and that none of us will ever be done learning and growing. Let's celebrate where we are as we continue on our respective journeys.

[Kristen]

This post couldn't have come at a better time for me. I often go back and forth with putting myself out there (on my blog in particular), even though in my heart, I feel that speaking my truth is the right thing. But it is a constant process of building the courage to speak the truth, being compassionate towards myself along the way, and tapping into the supports and resources needed to stay the path.

[MainlineMom]

Whew, tough one. First of all, my experience with publishing tells me Jess didn't write that controversial title. I could be wrong, but I'd be willing to place a bet on it.

So body image is something major I have struggled with my whole life and I still am not comfortable with it. I place the blame squarely with my mother, who is so obsessed with her weight I can barely stand to be around her sometimes. I was an extremely tall and skinny girl who developed curves early, and I remember over and over my mom telling me I had the bone structure of my dad's side of the family and not hers. Translation: not destined to be stick-thin. I have never been obese but I have gained a lost weight a lot in my adult years. When my dad died of a heart attack at age 49 it shocked me into caring about my health so I joined Weight Watchers and lost 30 pounds. Then I took a job in sales and gained it all back. Strangely enough pregnancy helped me naturally lose it all again and after my first baby I suddenly found myself loving exercise for the first time in my whole life. Yoga and fitness have helped me feel better about my body by WHOLE lot, but I still long to be truly thin and dieting really sucks. I have so much self-love and self-confidence in nearly all other areas of my life, it seems ridiculous that I'd care so much about wearing a certain size, but I do. I just can't seem to embrace Jess's ideas of body acceptance or the whole Heath at Any Size movement. I know I"m perfectly healthy, I have energy galore, but I think I'd feel even better about 25 lbs lighter. Maybe I need therapy :)

Sorry for the long comment, I'd make this a whole blog post but it would piss of my mother royally.

[Prashant]

Admire the courage of the woman in the front row who raised that question to bring Jess's awareness to an issue that needs attention. She may have been judgmental in terms of deciding that Jess is obese based on looks or standards set by the media but nonetheless she raised question among supporters and admirers of Jess and brought her the awareness that Jess needed to care for her body along with loving it. A healthy human male/female/child cannot bend down and tie his / her own shoe lace without panting or gasping for breath has to look twice at their body. A measure of health is to check how one feels when they wake up. Ignoring the body signals for help and concealing it under the label of loving one's body as it is inauthentic.

This body is the one gives you every experience of this precious life. If one truly love and respect their body they would do what Jess did. Take action to evaluate and ensure the body is well taken care of. Taking care of body is not about being slim and super model like but to feel healthy and have an appreciation, respect and care for the body as it deserves to be cared for. Good nutrition, exercise and caring for it with what it needs.

This takes courage and acceptance of being true to one's self. As well as listening to body signals of well being and maladies how ever small they may be.

Grateful for having a chance to hear Gifts of Imperfections Audio. Love your smile Brene

Thank You!
-Prashant

[Julie Hannah]

It was good to see that Jess was seeing a therapist to work on her emotional side - this is a critical part of the equation.

Good health is holistic, not just physical. This means recognising the effects of the mind on the body and vice versa. There is so much sitting at a sub-conscious level that we have acquired throughout our lives from different events eg. traumatic events (big and small), that affect our behaviours, thoughts and choices in life, including our food choices. Our thoughts also affect our body chemistry. To achieve good health we need to look at our internal world as well as our external world - our attitudes to life and relationships, motivations, ideas about life, our goals and aspirations and we need to heal that which is blocking us from moving forward. Once we are in a better state of mind, we have more energy and find it easier to make healthier choices.

[Struggling with health]

Thanks for linking to this article. I agree, the title denies Jess's main point, learning to love herself without blinders to the cost of her weight to her health.

I found the comment of the woman at her book reading to be unbelievably rude. If she was truly concerned with Jess's health, she could take to her privately---it sounded like an attempt at public shaming, even if it lead Jess to re-evaluate.

Here's the crazy thing for me: I have more shame issues surrounding my attempts to get healthy and lose weight than I do around my body size. What is up with that?

I always thought I was fat. At 17 I had a physical before going to college and weighed 128. My mother, who was obese but NO ONE ever mentioned or touched on it, was shocked---"whatever you do," she said, "DO NOT get to 130." I was 132 the very next day.

So it wasn't a huge shock to wake up at 40 and find myself 40 lbs overweight snce that basically fit the self image I'd always had. I use food to "take the edge off" a busy, full and mostly very happy life with three young children. Going to my first Weight Watchers meeting a couple years ago felt devastating...it meant not only admitting that I was fat, but that I was not the way I wanted to be.

Since then, I've actually come to enjoy working out, but I still dread being "seen" working out. I like to run early before neighbors might see me, or in our basement on the treadmill. I'm proud of the real changes I've made (like only drinking water, choosing more veggies daily, exercising) and see how much happier those choices make me. But I still feel unresolved in this area of shame...and wonder if exercise hasn't just become another way of "taking the edge off", albeit a healthier one.

I know I'm still not where I want to be in this area, because I don't feel comfortable using my name here---I've linked too many friends and family to Brene's site!

[Mia]

I agree with most of the above, LOVED Jess's article just thought it was inappropriately titled. Loving your body didnt almost kill you, neglecting it did. There is nothing wrong with loving yourself at any size, and everything wrong with confusing love with abuse.

I was one of those girls who hated her body, and was permanently on a mission to lose at least 5kg. Then I got an autoimmune thyroid disease, put on 20kg and it was the least of my worries! When you are sick, your weight means nothing - all you want is to be healthy again. It's taken nearly 5 years to get it under control, and I haven't yet lost all the weight I put on, and to be honest I dont plan to. I like my curves, I love my body, it had been loyal to me even when I wasnt kind to it... I dont plan to put it through any more stupidity, and that includes fad diets and excessive cardio!

I walk every morning because I love it. I pole dance because its amazing exercise that makes me feel great, and strong. I nourish my body with great food, lots of veggies and on special occasions (very rarely!) dessert, because sugar isnt kind to your immune system and equating eating cake with self love is just idiocy. I have eaten, meditated and loved my immune system back to health. What my weight does now, is really none of my business. I'm healthy. That's all I need.

[Beckita in Montana]

Thanks, Brene, for bringing this topic to the fore with the truly courageous article by Jess and for your expression of wisdom that each of us has a unique story.

For me, the loving of body and self involves acceptance and allows me to evolve, change, adapt and discover in every aspect of my life. That being said, I still have shame around my size which I work to defuse by utilizing those wonderful shame resiliance skills.

I firmly believe, and my life is a testament to the belief, that each weight story is comprised of complexities. For me, I must factor in sleep apnea and the opinion of my sleep doc that hormones went awry as it was undiagnosed for so long. I've lived a start-stop exercise life. I'm just learning about the biochemical components of my story as I journal how food drives my behavior and feelings as I really listen to this body... and so much more...

[AilsaJ]

If you look at the orginal article all of the comments there are about the theory. The comments here are so different, presumably because we have worked through Brené's work. Jess, you have great courage for treading your own path. Respect to you for that.

[Jules]

Politely I'm going to disagree with the comments shared thus far about the "inflammatory" title.

Having read the full article I have to say I don't think it's unnecessarily controversial, and I didn't find that in anyway the author equated loving your body with not taking care of it. The entire point of the article in my opinion was just the opposite. The line, "The cold, hard truth was that accepting myself as I was was putting my life in danger." Explains the title quite well. She continues by saying "To truly love my body, I had to treat it better."

Now I'm going to go out on a limb and say when I read the article title my immediate reaction was "here's an article that's going to talk about how she loved her body to anorexia and almost died". I'd happened upon the comments here before reading the article and I thought "well of course people are going to argue with that". But as I read... it became clear. Now here's what got me, as I was thinking about my reaction to the title, I had to ask myself why I jumped to the conclusion that "she was probably almost killed by anorexia"? Why more focus on the title than the well balanced-spot on message?

I think perhaps the reaction shows just how bias we've become to this topic which is often discussed with such conflicting viewpoints. When I read the article, subconsciously I made the equation "love=beauty=thin thus..."

I think the article challenges the assumed concepts of love and acceptance. Why should we deprive ourselves of health in order to "accept ourselves"? Have we become so used to the societal expectations being thinness, progress, exercise, etc... that the message of acceptance seems to stand in opposition to all that? Do we equate acceptance with lack of progress? Accepting and loving myself today doesn't mean I have to stagnate in life, emotionally or physically. I think the author challenges these assumptions, challenges herself, and challenges all of us to have a better a look at the pre-supposed either/or positions. The title whether her words or not, is thought provoking and attention grabbing, and I think raises the questions on love and acceptance that the article portrays.

[K]

OMG I thought it was just me!

I loved the article. Thank you Jess! Thank you for your story and for helping me to connect the dots. I had a Eureka moment (though only in my head - no actual baths were involved:-)

I am now in a place that I really like me and my body, after loathing my body and thinking that I was lazy, lacked discipline, all those nasty things that have no base in reality. And I am overweight and haven't been able to figure out how to connect the dots - love my body and deal with weight in a healthy way. And yes I had that doctor who told me I am all the nasty big tick items minority, woman, overweight probably smoke (I don't) and drink (I don't) and am more likely to die of heart diesase etc. Geez as if the almost palpable hatred for being brown in a Western society isn't enough. And yes tried to give me medication for something I didn't have and when I pointed it out he still tried to push it saying I would lose weight, one of the side effects could be depression but...you get the idea. I was also challenged about liking myself - I obviously don't if I want to lose weight - but I knew I could both like myself and want to change.

So to ah ha moment! When Jess talked about the way she treats herself I thought - wait a minute there is something there. Like Brene pointed out, yoga attiude or yoga practise. I have an I love my body attitude but not an I love my body practise. And Jess's practises made sense to me and I love the measures - something I know I can monitor and I like numbers.

So thanks Brene for sharing this article and awesome and brave work there Jess! Cheers!

[Liz E]

I thought the article was really thought provoking and a much needed voice in the fog of craziness that surrounds weight and health issues for women. I was a little disconcerted when Jess went to the doctor after 18 months, found out her (health) numbers were fantastic and got deflated by "only" losing 25 lbs. I sort of wish she'd gone on to say, "but that doesn't matter because I'm healthy." Still loving your body and radical self acceptance is a lifetime journey and I appreciate Jess' willingness to be open and vulnerable on this topic.

[Emily Kemper]

Interesting article. I think that weight has become such a big issue in so many women's lives that there can be an emotional response when a mentor's journey changes. I also think that women in the age of dieting have been shamed and humiliated about their bodies to the extent that it can be extremely difficult to separate weight from self-worth which makes the outrage some women have felt about this article understandable. It would be helpful if we could get to a place where weight as it pertains to health were similar to taking vitamins or excercising in order to be healthier. No judgment attached. It may help to reexamine what we view as healthy on the other end of the spectrum as well, but we seem to be unwilling or afraid to question our culturally sanctioned weight ideals.

[Rebecca S]

Here is another response by a physician and childhood feeding specialist:
http://familyfeedingdynamics.com/2011/08/accepting-and-loving-your-body-will-not-kill-you-jess-weiner-article-review/#comment-4535

[Joy Tanksley]

Thanks for sharing that excellent response, Rebecca!

As I'm reading the comments here I'm noticing that there is a strong belief system that weight and health are obviously and inextricably linked. If that's the paradigm we're operating from, then it makes perfect sense to view Jess's pursuit of weight loss as a brave act of self care. I totally understand this perspective, because I held it myself for over twenty years. I even worked as a Weight Watchers meeting leader for four years. (And boy do I have stories to tell about that!)

This belief that fat = unhealthy and less fat = better health (and therefore shows more self love) is really at the heart of the matter, I think. Until we are willing to dig beneath this message, I think we'll be stuck, as a culture, in a place of war with our bodies.

For anyone who sees just a little crack in the window and is willing to consider that the messages we are inundated with about weight and health might not be 100% accurate, I highly recommend Linda Bacon's wonderful book (chocked full of research, Brene!) called Health at Every Size. It's a paradigm shifter, not for the faint of heart, so proceed with caution. :)

Since this post is about courage, I want to share that one of the most courageous (and rewarding) things I have ever done is to say NO to the messages about health and weight. I decided to drop my weight focus after years of dieting and striving and struggling. I bravely and boldly decided to trust that listening to my body's deeper inner wisdom was enough. I learned to listen to my TRUE hunger for food, and also for movement, joy, pleasure, connection, and creativity. In the process, I gained some weight as my body did it's job of finding a happy resting place. And now, for the first time in my life, I maintain my weight effortlessly. No scale required. Food is nourishment and a celebration of life. Restriction, deprivation, and control are distant memories. I am deeply grateful. It feels like I jumped out of a plane without a parachute only to discover that all along I knew how to fly. And let me tell you, flying is AWESOME.

Wishing you all much peace and joy on your individual journeys toward love,
Joy

[Jen]

It's unlikely that the author of the piece got to choose her own title. The magazine editors probably chose it to sensationalize what was actually a very honest and thoughtful piece about what it means to love and accept yourself while actively working to change. I struggle with that myself.

The woman in the audience may have intended to hurt Jess, but I admire Jess for using the comment to spur positive self-examination.

[Stephanie Clark]

There are a lot of replies, and many are long. Obviously the topic is relevant and powerful. It took courage, with the old-fashioned definition, to write this article and I applaud Jess for speaking her truth, even though it might have cut short her career.
Facing truth, articulating our own truth, being true to our best life - these are not necessarily the easy road, but they represent the most fruitful road to our best lives.
Bravo, Jess, for standing up to yourself, and to your preconceived notion of what your public would tolerate and accept from you! That took courage, with the new definition!

[alex]

Loved this article and Jess's courage in doing what was right for her no matter what reaction she feared from the public! I have based so many of my decisions on what I thought others' reactions would be and have lost a sense of what is important to me; what I value. I love that this article speaks to the importance of health rather than a size or a number on a scale and also addresses personal health responsibility. I believe that self -acceptance is as integral to practice for health, as healthy eating, exercise and learning is. The shift from numbers/size focus to health is one that I am currently in the thick of shifting. The more I value, appreciate and respect myself the more natural it has become to make choices that create a healthier and happier me =)

[Andrea]

I loved the article and that Jess paid attention to the reaction she had to the lady and that she took action. Wonderful self reflection. The thing that bothered me incredibly were the comments from women on the Glamour site. Oh, i was getting so angry....how stuck they are on weight. But then I read the comments on this site and so resonate with everyones kind words and focus. There is a shift in paradigm needed and Jess has met that face to face and has shared it with a bunch of people who don't get it....yet.

[Michele]

Yes, courage is a heart word. All love comes from the heart. It takes courage to love. For a woman to possess self love of her body, I find, she needs to address her emotions. A woman's body, particularly an obese woman, wears her emotions. Every woman needs to feel compassion for herself first, love will follow. It takes courage to "have a heart".

[Sabine]

i just love this blog and the story of courage. i am from austria and i´m a "lovecoach" - means i am working with heartbroken people. people who just got separated, are unlucky in love or who have been single for a long time and are already desperate and lonesome.

i just recently found your video on ted and already started reading your book. many of your thoughts enrich my work. so i will write a blog in german on your definition of "courage" - i am sure my readers will love it.
thanx for your inspiration !
sabine

[Robin]

This is an excellent article. I like the focus on health rather then weight. Way to go!

[JamWest1007]

I appreciate your suggestion to consider this article. I hadn't seen it as yet, though I have often appreciated Jess's work.

Admittedly, I have mixed feelings. I appreciate the courage it took for her to share this part of her story, but wish it would have been told through a different outlet. True, Jess likely had no input on the title of the article, and certainly not on the page on which it is currently displayed, but to find the banner at the top of the page filled with images of size 2-4 women in skin tight jeans, and a title that does imply that being overweight will kill you, makes any message on a "healthy" body image a bit hard to swallow.

I also hope that Jess will truly remain focused on the "health" aspect of loving her body, and not allow her pendulum to swing too far back the other direction. I found her reaction to having "only lost 25 pounds", concerning in that regard.

Still, I honor the courage it took for her to share her journey. She is a beautiful woman with the courage and integrity to share her truth. That is worth honoring, even if I am not completely comfortable with the message.

[Michelle]

When I was struggling with postpartum depression, sleep deprivation and an extra 75 pounds on my 5'1" frame, i decided to go to Weight Watchers. We had a meeting where we had to say what our "goals" were. For everyone (including me) it was a number on the scale - except for one lady. Her goal was to fit into an airplane seat so she could take her kids to disneyland.

I cried.

And then had an attitude adjustment. It took tremendous courage for her to say that. Ultimately, when broken down into "numbers" her goal was my current weight at the time. It sure put it into perspective for me. Health comes in all shapes, sizes and cannot be pigeonholed for anyone. It has layers of hereditary components, control mechanisms, and deep underlying issues that require self-reflection. Getting to a number did not alleviate this for me, embracing my heart and soul did.

I applaud the courage of speaking from the heart. For the woman at WW - you changed my life and the way I look at health.

[Marisa]

I liked this article because it brings up the issue of health in relation to weight. HEALTH is what we need to focus on. "Normal weight" people (Body Mass Index at or below 24.9) can be unhealthy too. In an ideal world, women should see their doctor at least annually for a check up/well woman exam and labs can be drawn at this time. One's provider can advise how frequently labs should be done based on individual risk factors and family history.

Severally years ago, I had my cholesterol checked and it was elevated. I was shocked because I am am vegetarian (one who eats too much cheese pizza and ice cream) and not over-weight. However, when looking at my diet I realized I was eating way too much Dairy Queen. When I stopped my Dairy Queen binge, switched from butter to margarine, and started exercising regularly--my cholesterol returned to a more normal level. I probably should have my cholesterol checked again soon. It's hard to eat healthy when one is surrounded by junk food all the time...

Great to read everyone's comments :) Marisa RN

[Roberta]

I love Jess's response about how you look does not mean that you are or are not healthy! This is true regardless if you are heavy or thin...or if you are active or inactive...as was the case last year when I lost a good friend to leukemia. He was the epitome of health in that he was extremely active in sports and running and that he didn't smoke (ever ;) or drink, etc.
I really appreciated her doctor's response to her about Jess's focus on the wrong NUMBER! We all just need to learn to be comfortable in our own skin...and in our own lives. Because we never know how much time we have in our lovely bodies. Some days are easier than others and as I've gotten older I have the maturity needed to accept things and to forgive ourselves when we stumble every so often. Thanks for sharing Jess's journey. Fondly, Roberta

[Tracey K]

Wowie. Bad title, great message. I needed to hear this so bad, especially the part about not just losing weight, but losing weigh, eating in a loving way, checking in with my doctor and therapist, making exercise a supportable routine. I lost 45 pounds last year with weight watchers and found a whole bunch of them again. I feel the lose and gain cycle is so much about only looking through one lens- only focusing on weight and exercise without the emotional component and the good support network. Now it's time to try again.

[Lianne]

Joy - what a wonderful response. Beautifully written.

I am so happy for Jess that her health improved but I think the weight is a red herring. Lots of non-overweight people also have issues with their health stats due to our cultures support for a very sedentary lifestyle. And that includes what I call "sedentary food." Almost everyone's numbers improve when they start to eat real food and move - fat and skinny! Wouldn't it have been eye-opening to also feature a "normal" sized women who also ate poorly, didn't exercise and had bad stats and have her make the same changes and watch her stats also improve. Because I think a lot of slim people also don't go to the doctor and mistake body-size for level of health. They, too, could be educated. Unfortunately, this article may only reinforce that mistaken thinking.

[spice]

you go girl. i will be sending positive energy your way. i believe in you.

[Marilyn Wann]

The belief that weight determines health and weight loss is required for health improvement, both of these beliefs are inacurate (i.e., not supported by medical data) and dangerous, in that they promote behaviors that can damage physical, psychological, and political wellbeing for people of all sizes. I do not care what Jess Weiner weighs. Jess Weiner cares what Jess Weiner weighs. I can appreciate that people of all sizes are under pressure from a fat-hating culture to wish for weight loss, but embracing that wish and going along with that pressure is not a path to liberation, in my opinion.

I believe in promoting health-enhancing behaviors for their own sake and never for the pursuit of weight loss. If someone happens to lose weight, I have nothing against that. I'm opposed to these weight-based beliefs that thinner must somehow equal better, including for our health. Certainly, there's a movement to embrace our imperfect, diverse selves and live happily and healthfully...that movement doesn't involve making money by selling weight-loss goals. In my opinion.

[Erin Wilson]

There is much in the article that resonated with me. What lingers with me though is the statement that many overweight women avoid health care because they fear shaming from their doctors. That was my experience for most of my life, and because of it, avoided seeing a doctor for nearly 10 years.

I've finally found a doctor/nurse practitioner who treat me like a person first, and are breaking down the myths that have have grown wild in my head because of the careless words of doctors who didn't get it.

I still have lots of work to do around shame, but thankfully, I won't have to give up health care in the mean time.

[Jody]

I agree that courage is a heart word. I think though that we (especially women) often underestimate our own courageous acts. When you ask "heroes" how they did their "courageous act" they often say something like, "I was doing my job," or "Anyone would have done it," or, "It was what I had to do." In the moment it isn't that they feel the fear and do it anyway - it is that they are pulled in the direction of being their best self - and they went. The definition of courage that I use is "The movement we make in the direction of becoming our best selves." That could be a child sharing a lunch, or not joining a clique. It could be someone like Jess Weiner reflecting and changing direction to something that feels more like her best self. Encouragement is the space we make for others to move into their best self. That might be something like noticing an act of kindness, appreciating an act of courage or like Jess's doc, helping Jess see that she had made movement toward her own health. We don't need the "rah rah" kind of "encouragement" or "praise" or the "reward you if" kind of "encouragement"- as it feels condescending. What we need is simple witness to the very human process of growing into who we really are. Kids need this, adults need this.... and if we honored that the world might run with just a little bit more respect and love.

[phoenix1920]

I'm not sure if this has been covered but I just wanted to point out that in many publications and books, the magazine or publisher controls the title of the work and images--not the author. I'm not sure who chose the title of the article, but to me, the title read as much more inflammatory than the article by far--a way to attract readers

Thank you for pointing out the article. For me, it really was impactful. I am a person who has struggled with weight in more recent years and can get really frustrated because to me the numbers on my scale don't reflect the fact that I typically eat pretty healthy. I feel frustrated at times because society says the solution is simply to eat less and exercise more. To me, the frustration with weight is no different than the frustration that we feel when we put in a ton of effort in any activity and don't see the effort paying off in the manner that we were promised. It is just as frustrating when I was young and would practice and practice and practice a piano piece and still flubbed it during the concert. I found the article inspiring and refreshing.

[Lianne]

A new report on obesity challenging the BMI was just put out by some researchers at the University of Alberta - I thought it was relevant to this discussion: http://www.edmontonjournal.com/health/study+rewrites+book+obesity/5259891/story.html

[Tracy]

I love this quote: "To truly love my body, I had to treat it better". I, too, struggle with body image and self acceptance, and at the end of the day, if I've treated my body well, I feel good about myself. Eating healthy, vibrant foods makes me feel so cared for. Although, I can sometimes forget this too.
Thanks for sharing this article. She is courageous indeed.

[Carly]

Thank you for sharing the article. I am reminded of my own struggles over the years and how what is 'healthy' can be revised further down the line by another research study. I feel that too often the word healthy is used unskillfully without the depth and subtleties that are needed to appreciate health in a holostic sense. I spent many years worrying about my blood pressure which did not respond to weight loss and did increase steadily the more I worried about it!

[Deb]

Having been anorexic, bulemic and overweight due to eating on my feelings as a young woman and also being a therapist who has facilitated body image groups for thirty years, I am glad women are focusing on being healthy instead of focusing on weight. But it sounds like the judgment toward women who maybe can't lose the weight etc is still there.
The numbers Jess said "could kill her" were normal stats a few years ago. They just keep getting lower and lower and we have moved into a societal era that is obsessed with HEALTH. How can that be bad you wonder? Anything to an extreme is dangerous. And seems to cause us as a society to judge others who don't think like we do.
Also heredity plays a big factor in heart disease etc. I am diabetic and have other chronic illnesses and do take good care of myself (and am a healthy weight) You sure get a different story when a thin person has a heart attack as opposed to an obese person!!! Blame, Blame Blame. Maybe the thin person ate junk everyday but is just thin by genetics.

I am happy for Jess and I hope she continues to take care of herself, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually!

[Sabine]

dear brene,

i wrote a blog, inspired by your thoughts about courage on my webpage. its written in german, but maybe some of your readers would enjoy it? here´s the link:

http://herzbruch.at/hilfe/34-blog/55-herzmut

and of course i mentionend you und linked to your website. i just love your work.
thanks for sharing!
sabine

[Erica]

Weight, particularly for women, is such a hot button. I think that we all need to be committed to pursuing our healthiest selves, physically and emotionally. When we allow image, whether it's loving skinny or ample bodies, to dictate health, we run the risk of hurting ourselves.

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