turning it over

Before the breakdown spiritual awakening, I lived by the motto, "Let go and let Brené." As you can imagine, it wasn't very effective. 

Turning things over is not an easy process for me. Several years ago I made a God box and it really helped. I found tremendous comfort in the process of writing down my hopes and fears on torn pieces of paper, folding up the scraps, and literally putting them away. I haven't used my God box in over a year. Like most good things, faith is a practice and I stopped practicing this piece of my faith. Why is it so easy to walk away from the things that are working and cling to the things that don't! 

A couple of weeks ago I spoke in Charlotte, North Carolina. After my talk, a man approached me and handed me a gift. His name is Roger Strom and he's a potter. The gift was this amazing bowl. Not only do I love the message, I needed the reminder. My new God box is a vulnerability bowl! How perfect is that? 

If you have thoughts or ideas about turning things over - I'd love to hear them! Also, here's a link to a beautiful article titled, "Inside the God Box" in Real Simple Magazine. 

Comments

[my honest answer]

I'm a new reader - I found you through TED and I love your work!

What a beautiful gift. And what a beautiful way to put it to use too.

[Erin]

For me it is fairly easy to put my troubles in a God box because I know in my head and believe in my heart that he is big enough to calm my troubles. It is MUCH harder for me to hand over to him something I desire (i.e. to go to France, to have kids). I am afraid that God withhold from me the desires of my heart.

The very first lie in the Garden, was that God was withholding something from Adam and Eve. THAT belief that God would withhold something from us is the foundation for our fallen world. It is something I think I will battle with/interact with my entire life but at least know I acknowledge it...and I cannot heal what I don't acknowledge.

[momo]

i love this idea. after my mother died, i mentored under a woman at my church. as i spoke about the things that were hurting me and making me so sad, i asked her how she dealt with listening to the things that i was sharing with her. she said that as i spoke, she placed each of my fears into an imaginary box, wrapped with a beautiful bow, and sent them up as prayers to God to handle - for me. i never forgot the beauty of that visual and now i use it all the time.

[Detta Darnell]

Just what I needed to read today for both myself and a small group of women I am working with ~ one in particular who feels so overwhelmed she is unable to pick up a pen or paintbrush to put anything on the page ~ this could be just what she needs thank you x

[Jen]

I'm not a very religious person, but I have been, when I am anxious, trying to send what I need out to someone in my prayers. For example if I feel like I need compassion, I let my mind wander and whomever pops into my head - it is often surprising to me who it is - I send them a prayer that they find compassion. It really works to quell my anxiety and also makes me feel like I am practicing whatever it is I feel that I need, which should bring it to me faster. I think a God box would really work for this also. I'm definitely going to start doing this.

[Adam G.]

How do you do this if you don't believe that there's a god?

[Eric]

I sat down this morning to write my New Moon Intentions, a practice given me by a dear, dear and now departed friend. One of my intentions is to focus on, explore, list and research how to let go of all those things that don't serve me. And voila, here is your bit on the very subject. Thank you Ms. Brown. Thank you Uni.

[AmandaD]

What a beautiful and thoughtful gift!

[Rosemary]

Adam, you don't need to believe there is a god. You just need to believe that there is something greater than yourself. The universe? Mother nature? You may choose to call it whatever you wish to. Hope this helps you be able to use the "God box" concept. Take care.

[Sharon]

Thanks for the post. I have had a God box for years. It is amazing what a huge difference such a small change can make to your heart...serves up a whole of ease.

[Susie]

I love this post! I have been a fan of Roger's on Etsy for a while now ~ his work is beautiful. Thank you for this post, a God Box is exactly what I need!

[Better is Possible]

Love the timing of your post. Thank you! I'm looking for boxes today. Blessings to you!
Carol.

[kim~]

Thank you! I need to "practice" often to let go, let God, and trust myself and others more. The bowl is a great reminder.

[Michele]

Ah, Brene....

perfect post for my day. I know that by tonite I will have my own version of a God Box. I have been struggling with turning things over for months now, and to find tis today was perfect.
And Adam, just something bigger than you. God is a concept that I don't believe in either, but I do know there is a flow to the Universe and that, living, I am in there somewhere. I ask daily to be allowed to stay in the flow.
The God Box, for me, symbolizes letting go, giving up the struggle of wanting a particular outcome to a problem. Accepting the outcome is another problem, working on that as well.

Brene.....have a wondroeus time at TED...cannot wait to see/hear your new talk posted!

[Christi]

Your post and that article are fantastic. Thank you for posting what I need. I am struggling with a big decision and am trying to give it up to God, but I think the God Box will help me do that it in a more physical and spiritual way. I'm starting mine tonight for sure.

[Jennifer Kley]

Cough. I never regard GOD as a religion or that it's "religious" to talk about God or believe in Him. God isn't a religion; He's GOD.
Anyhoo, nice post, Brene. As always.

[Cat]

it is so much ore powerful when we do tangible things such as these...
a simple practice
and yet it has big rewards!!!
love it

Love and Light

[Tara]

I am a new reader here ... I'm not sure how I stumbled across your space, but it was obviously meant to be... and I like this post very much. I don't use a box, but often write things on a piece of paper and either bury it in my garden or hang it on a line outside and let it degrade. For some reason the decomposition really makes it feel like the universe is taking my cares.
I look forward to reading more. :-)

[Michelle]

This is BRILLIANT! So fitting for Ash Wednesday. I bought something from Roger (based on your post) for my very best friend who is going through a tough time after her 42 year brother has had a massive stroke. It says On a Journey (much like the shape of your bowl). My intent was to give it to her for her birthday as a candle holder. Of course not - this is perfect for her God bowl and I will find one for myself as well. As always you are amazing and making a difference more than you know!

[Cindy@YogaInMyPocket.com]

I love the idea of a God Box. In the recent years I have started to give God the big ones. I mean all else failed to be working. It's worked amazingly and I think adding a God Box to the equation is even better.
Love your posts and your vulnerabilities. Thank you Brene.

[Laura]

Wonderful post and I agree how perfect for Ash Wednesday! I had my own breakdown last year and have somehow gotten further from the spiritual practices that helped to get me through the worst. So, thanks for the reminder to get back to what works.....it works if you work it!

Also, I am so mad that I missed you in Charlotte!! I am about 2 hrs from there and would definitely have gotten there. Boo hoo! I am such a fan of all your work! Please keep on being you!!

Laura

[Heather]

First, how did you get to be so incredibly awesome??!!?? Was it the breakdown/awakening? If so, I think everyone should have one!

I love this idea. I just ended a session with a 14 y.o. girl and her mother who are stubbornly oppositional with each other. I'm going to start teaching them the lessons about courage and vulnerability that you have taught me - everyone I've taught it to so far has made great strides and fairly quickly. Your words are so very helpful and encouraging! I thank you a million times over for your awesomeness!! PS so do my clients ;)

[Kathleen]

My God Box is actually my Reiki bowl, a Japanese tea bowl that my now-grown son crafted in middle school! Thank you fo reminding me that it is there!

[Debbie]

I was sick about 3 years ago, and for various reasons, I became very afraid of several things. I mean, VERY AFRAID! I was unable to have an appointment with my therapist in person because I was too sick, so we had a phone session. One of the things that she wanted me to do while on the phone was to write down everything I was afraid of on individual pieces of paper and then to put them inside an African jar with a lid that I have. She had me do this for a couple of reasons, first, she wanted me to figuratively get those fears outside of me by writing them down and putting them in the jar. She didn't want me to bury my fears, but to set them aside to deal with later if need be. The second reason, which was really her main reason, was so that I could one day look at those fears represented on those pieces of paper and see if any of the fears were warranted and what could I learn by the outcome.

I immediately rebelled against her idea and thought she was belittling my fears and trying to use "magic" to make it all go away; but I complied anyway just to make her happy. lol

I totally forgot about those pieces of paper in my African jar until about a year ago. I sat on the floor and read them all one-by-one as my eyes welled up with tears. Not even one of my fears were actualized - not even close - and, I DID get better (one of my fears!)

I learned (and am learning) one of the lessons my therapist set out for me to learn through this exercise.

I was besought with very debilitating fears - fears that were based solely on my own mind feeding them. By figuratively putting them in a jar and putting on the lid, I was choosing to not feed them anymore; if I don't feed them, they can't grow and will eventually die. The most important step was then to learn to live AS IF my fears really were in that jar! If I do that, then I am able to live my life knowing that those fears, real or imagined, cannot control my life or who I am, but I am “forced” to leave them in the hands of HOPE! Hope promotes peace and calm that no matter what, everything will work out just exactly how it’s supposed to, and I am Ok with that.

[Adam G.]

Rosemary: I can't give credence to the idea that there's a force (a conscious force) bigger than me. I can't believe in a god. The universe and nature, yes, I can believe that's bigger than me, but I can't believe it's conscious.

I don't believe in a higher power. So I don't know how this can help me.

[Lauri Lumby]

One of my teachers continues to remind me: "Your job is to allow.....to stop pushing and allow the Universe (God) carry you. You are being carried to exactly where you need to be in exactly the right time." This reminder continues to empower me to "Let go and Let God," and I find that when I do this, things seem to flow effortlessly and what I need drops into my lap at the exact right time. This is a much more peaceful way to live life.

Lauri Lumby
Authentic Freedom Ministries
http://yourspiritualtruth.com

[tiny]

i love the idea of a god box. though i never had one. when i cling unto something i start writing, trying to get behind the why i'm clinging. and then let it rest in my journal. trusting that the answer will come to me in it's right timing.

this usually works. i heard a beautiful phrase in a german pop song where it's said that there a lot things we did to early but none we did to late.... trust the flow.

tiny

[Brené]

Adam - I think turning things over to the universe or to nature can be equally as powerful. I've seen fishing holes that are at least as holy as churches. I believe in nature's wisdom!

[Elisa]

I use a "God Can," because God can, I can't and I need to let Him/Her/It. (My God Can has an angel on it and originally came with divinity candy in it.) When I am really struggling with letting go of something, I remember what I heard someone say: 'When I am having a really hard time letting someone go, I go into the bathroom, write their name on a piece of toilet paper and flush them down the CAN!" This is such fun! I highly recommend it for anyone whether you believe in God or not!

[Stephanie]

Adam, for me it is the process of "turning it over" that is important. Not that I expect anyone or anything to "fix it" or to "make it better". I just need to let go of the worry because worrying also does not fix anything or make anything better. And usually just makes it worse.

What I have learned is that there are so many things that I truly do not have control over and these are usually what I am most stressed over. Turning them over, trusting that what needs to happen will happen and that I will be able to deal with whatever that is, is comforting to me.

Letting go of something to the universe without any expectation of what will happen after, has worked wonders for me. When I remember to do it.

[Shipwreck Annie]

I just sort of gave up needing to know what/who "God" is/isn't. That's when all of the achingly beautiful parts of life, in light of its messiness (not in spite of it), burst through for me. I am in awe of whatever this experience of life is. And I don't care anymore about needing to know anything for sure. At least that's what I try to practice every day.

[Sylvia V]

Hi Brene and all,

So neat to come across this post just when I needed it. Both my adult kids are going through BIG (and positive) life changes and I feel great joy for them. And then, just below the surface is that whisper of vulnerability - those little ebb tides of angst about how they will adjust, handle, master these new life situations.. the duality that comes with experiencing the full spectrum of emotions.
Time for me to put it all in the "God Box" and trust them to handle things just as they see fit.
The ever constant need to love and let go, love and let go, love and let go.... So thanks for the reminder.

[Jupiter's Spot]

Hi all.

First of all, I absolutely love Brene's work and it's doing a lot of good for me, as I'm sure it is for a lot of you. But Adam and Rosemary's exchange above is moving me to write about this topic.

I don't believe in God. I don't fault the rest of you at all for your beliefs. Really, it's cool! But to get through Dr. Brown's work I often have to mentally substitute some of the religiously loaded language with terms that make sense to me. "Spirituality" becomes "emotional health." "Prayer" becomes "meditation." "God" becomes "the Universe." Etcetera.

My concern isn't that Brene or any of you have personal beliefs that you're attached to, and I certainly don't mind the religious language when Brene is talking about her personal stories -- that's hers and hers alone. It's just that, when it comes to the broaded concepts, I think the language could stand to be more inclusive. People who aren't religious oftentimes endure shaming processes that involve ostracization. In their families, communities, etc. I myself have experienced it in the workplace. I was quiet about it for years and when it came up as a matter of happenstance I was warned by one person that I would go to Hell and another (my boss, actually) told me that Christian soldiers were dying for my right to be atheist. It was pretty darn stressful, and is why a lot of people who aren't religious hide it.

I'm not really interested in arguing the existence of God here (and I hope that's obvious!) I think what's relevant is that we all recognize each other as humans with the same problems and struggles regardless of whether we're affiliated with this belief or that. That's why I believe that inclusive language is important. Language that is specific to people of a specific set of beliefs or ideologies can obstruct that important sense of belonging.

Best,
Jup

[Laura]

Great to look at this post on a day where I feel vulnerable and am calling deep on my courage! Thank you!

[Fin]

\\\"Turning Things Over\\\"
I have been thinking about this since it was posted here on 2/22. I have written my thoughts everyday and deleting it each time before I published struggling with what exactly the idea means. Then today happened. I watched my 4 month old niece do something, she \\\"turned over\\\" for the first time. She was filled with fear, surprise, glee and then finally a sense of something I can't articulate. It was a stillness that filled the room. She stopped moving and looked at me and I looked at her. It was a connection that was filled with a sense of something \\\"more\\\" between the two of us. Then she started to cry. I picked her up like any aunt would and I comforted her. As I was holding her I was reminded of this post. I held her until she feel asleep.
\\\"Turning over\\\" is not just putting something down and away or finding relief for a while. Its an action of complete connection. If it is being connected to yourself, God, the universe or your niece. Touching the sacred in a split moment of the connection was indeed the lesson. It was that awareness of \\\"the more\\\" that - turning over- meant. I recognized the \\\"split second\\\" in that that no box could ever contain,nor a piece of pottery could ever express but in the experience I could only learn. Thanks Brene.

[Ali]

Brene' - I just found you today.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE?!?!?!?

I think you wrote your book for me. I just ordered \\\"The Gifts of Imperfection\\\" today. I love the idea of a God Box and I'm starting one today.

Thank you for your blog and for writing a book that is \\\"Just for Ali\\\". :)

Hugs!

[Adam G.]

Jupiter - thank you. You said it much better than I could.

[Chrisy]

I've used a God box in the past...I've also abandoned the practice. I needed this reminder that it works. I'm smack in the middle of 'awakening' (I hope—although it feels like a breakdown, too). Many, many thanks.

[Denver Smith]

I LOVE the idea of writing things down - then just kind of letting them go. I think actually putting something on paper and seeing it written down can be a very powerful force! It was great to find your blog about this topic!

[Jupiter's Spot]

Adam-

You're welcome. :)

[Heather]

I do the same thing! I have a lot of trouble letting go of things. Part of it is a trust issue - how can I trust that God is going to do the right thing by me and take care of everything? And part of it is a lack of belief in abundance - that there is enough in this world for all of us - enough love, enough money, enough joy, enough support. I'm struggling with turning things over everyday. I find myself taking it back almost a second after I let it go. For me the start is just being aware of what I do and loving myself enough to let it go over and over again.